£40-£60 profit in cashback with Betfair PokeCasino and Quidco/TopCashback
Betfair always have a few cashback offers running for new customers on both TopCashback and Quidco. Their current ones are some of the best I've seen and allow you to easily earn between £40-£60 profit in cashback by taking advantage of them. I was lucky enough to win an extra £26 in profit when I did this, but of course this is not guaranteed at all as it is gambling.
The highest paying one is the VIP Casino offer from Quidco, which offers £100 cashback for a £50 deposit and wager, giving £50 in profit or £60 if you are new to Quidco and register via a referral link.
The second is the Poker offer from TopCashback, which offers £50 cashback for a £10 deppsit and wager, giving £40 in profit or £45 if you are new to TopCashback and register via a referral link.
Please note that you have to be a new Betfair customer to be elegible for either of these.
£50-£60 with Betfair Casino and Quidco

• Sign up to Quidco with my referral link (£10 bonus) / non-ref (no bonus).
• Make sure you have any ad-blockers/VPNs turned off so the cashback tracks.
• Search for or visit the Betfair Casino page.
• Read through the What will stop me earning cashback? section of the page.
• Click the Get cashback button next to the £100 cashback offer.
• Deposit and wager £50 in one or across multiple bets.
• The cashback should track and become visible in your account within 12 hours.

£40-£45 with Betfair Poker and TopCashback

• Sign up to TopCashback with my referral link (£5 bonus) / non-ref (no bonus).
• Make sure you have any ad-blockers/VPNs turned off so the cashback tracks.
• Search for or visit the Betfair page.
• Read through the What else is essential? section of the page.
• Click the Get Cashback button next to the New Account - Poker offer.
• Deposit and wager £10 in one or across multiple bets.
• The cashback should track and become visible in your account within an hour.

Notes
I did this exact offer through TopCasback back in January with no problems at all, as the higher offer through Quidco wasn't available at the time. I was also lucky enought to win £36, making another £26 profit after deducting the original £10. Unless you have any desire to continue to gamble, I'd recommend stopping wagering once you've played through your original deposit and withdrawing any winnings straight away.
Before starting, make sure to read the terms of the offer you choose to do as some are quite specific. For example with the Quidco offer, if you deposit with PayPal then you will be disqualified from receiving the cashback. And for the TopCashback offer, any fees on the deposit will be deducted from the wagering amount, so as with the example on their page to make the £10 deposit with a 15p fee you will need to deposit £10.15.
You also need to make sure you have any ad-blockers or VPNs switched off before clicking through from the cashback sites and during the sign up process to ensure that the cashback tracks correctly. If you have these turned on then often you will have to file a missing cashback claim and this can sometimes be denied, as if the registration doesn't track as coming from the cashback site then they will not be paid by Betfair and will in turn not pay you.
As with all cashback offers, once tracked and completed they can take a while to pay out. Quidco is stating that Betfair offers are currently taking less than 8 months to pay out on average and TopCashback is stating 9 weeks and 2 days. When I did it, TopCashback paid out for Betfair after around 2 months so this looks pretty accurate to me.
For transparency, if you sign up to Quidco through my referral link then I'll earn £10 once your cashback becomes payable, and if you sign up to TopCashback through my referral link then I'll earn £20 once your cashback becomes payable. So I'd really appreciate it if you do, and feel free to share your links to both as well :)

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Could you guys help me do the math here?
I was strictly an online player and I massed over $10,000 over a few years in which I have liquidated into cash and I wanted to start playing 1/2NL and running a few tourneys each weekend at the casino.
However, I'm starting to think that my live local poker room might not be nearly as profitable as online poker. Could poker help me do the math?
in 1/2NL, they take a max rake of $6 per hand.
the weekend tourneys are the $65+$15 tourney fee +$10 addon (4,000 chip addons... money goes to dealer, not prizepool)
So while I pony up $90 for the buyin... only ~70% of my buyin is in play. Also factor in the 2% dealer if I win. I have actually won 2 of these tournaments this year (2 first place chops for $1,000ish)
and while its quite thrilling to make the money live... I just think that with all of the money the casino is taking off the table in these games... it just makes it nearly impossible to beat the house unless you play practically mistake free poker. I consider myself to be a pretty solid player... but how solid do you have to be to grind a profit against these rates?
Edit: Also, lets factor in gas to and from the casino.. About $10-$12 a trip at current fuel rates.
Edit 2: Casino also takes $1 out of each cash game pot for the bad beat jackpot.

I like to dabble with keno, line games, and video poker, but never do very well. I tend to only put a few bucks in, and make bets up to 50 cents. Some of my friends only play a few numbers in keno, while others like to play all . I always see people sitting at the machines for hours and am wondering if there is any good strategies, or does it really come down to luck? What about bonus games? any particular game trigger bonus rounds more than others?

I know what you're already thinking. Playboy is a dead porn brand that publishes a magazine and doesn't appeal to millennials or gen z right?
Wrong.
Leadership
Let's start with Ben Kohn, the CEO. Kohn has worked in private equity for 25 years and started a firm called Rizvi Travers which invested in pre IPO tech companies. They were the largest investor when Twitter went public and invested in Facebook, Snapchat, Square, SpaceX, Instacart, and Uber.
In 2011, Kohn partnered with Hugh Hefner and took Playboy private. Kohn became the CEO in 2017 with the goal of revitalizing one of the largest, most recognizable brands in the world. Since becoming CEO, Kohn has been shutting down most of the legacy business and most recently discontinued producing a domestic magazine. He's focused most of his attention so far on growing the high margin licensing business and direct to consumer business, transforming Playboy into a consumer lifestyle brand focusing on 4 categories:

• Sexual Wellness
• Style & Apparel
• Gaming & Lifestyle
• Beauty & Grooming

Kohn is also placing a strong emphasis on appealing to women and young people, something that Playboy had never done in the past. Over the last 3 years, the female audience has grown by 70% and 90% of their audience today is under the age of 40. Out of the total e-commerce sales, 40% of customers are women.
Financials
Playboy is already a profitable business. They have a highly efficient, high margin business model that accelerates with growth.
For the first 9 months of 2020, Playboy grew revenue by 78% from 57 million to 101 million and grew adjusted ebitda 129% from 9.5 million to 22 million. For 2021, they reaffirmed guidance of 167 million of revenue and 40 million dollars of ebitda. By 2025, Playboy is conservatively projecting 296 million of revenue and 140 million in ebitda, but expects it to be much greater. It's also important to note that they have over 400 million of forward booked minimum guaranteed cash flow, but they only recognize 67 million of that today, so the actual revenue numbers are much higher.
Playboy's business is monetized in two primary ways, licensing and direct to consumer. Licensing is a key part of the revenue stream and they anticipate it more than doubling moving forward. However, Playboy is extremely excited about its growing direct to consumer business as well which I will dive into in the next section.
Growth
Playboy has huge growth opportunities in each of their 4 product categories. First I want to point out that Playboy is HUGE in China and it's growing rapidly in India. In China, Playboy is one of the leading men's apparel brands with over 2500 brick and mortar stores and over 1000 e-commerce stores. Playboy sells products in over 180 countries and is the 17th most licensed brand in the world.
Style & Apparel:
Over the last 3 years, Playboy has partnered with Pacsun, Misguided, Supreme, and others. The Pacsun and Misguided businesses have increased almost 15x over the last 3 years. Playboy also launched Playboy Labs and partnered with Steve Aoki to promote the brand. Playboy intends on transitioning this business from a pure licensing business to a direct to consumer business going forward. They have future collaborations with Yandy planned as well.
Sexual Wellness:
The sexual wellness category is a 240 billion dollar industry today and is projected to grow to 400 billion by 2024. Currently, the industry is fragmented and made up of small businesses with no ability to scale. Playboy is poised to become the leader in this category through strategic acquisitions of existing companies and by growing its product offerings. Yes, I'm talking about lingerie, condoms, sex toys etc. They recently acquired the sexual wellness retailer Lovers for 25 million and expect them to add 45 million in revenue over the next 12 months. They are planning on making more strategic acquisitions in this space moving forward to become the leading direct to consumer brand in this field. They also began offering online sexual wellness classes for women, which have seen large growth since inception.
Gaming & Lifestyle:
The growth opportunities in this category are huge. Playboy is diversifying into online gambling, mobile gaming, CBD/Marijuana, and virtual reality. They have a social club/poker room opening in Houston this year in addition to their casino in London. They currently have partnerships with Microgaming as well as Scientific Games for mobile gambling apps like slots and poker, with plans to build more. They are also planning on entering the sports gambling market through partnerships with well known sports betting operators.
Moreover, they recently launched an exclusive furniture collection on Wayfair and plan on offering more in the future. They currently offer 3 CBD products and have plans to enter the legal marijuana market when it's legalized at the federal level, which might happen soon under the Biden administration. As of now they sell Playboy branded smoking materials like ash trays and grinders. They are planning on launching 4 more CBD products in 2021. Lastly, Ben Kohn said that experiencing Playboy through a virtual world format is something that is "extremely interesting to us". He gave an example of the Travis Scott and Unreal Platform collaboration.
Beauty and Grooming:
Currently, Playboy offers men's and women's fragrances and color cosmetics in Europe. They have plans to expand their product line and enter the North American market this year. In China, a place where Playboy has a large market presence, Men's grooming is one of the fastest growing categories and an area that Playboy is not in today. They are planning on entering this market in the near future with Playboy branded skincare and grooming products.
SPAC Merger
Playboy has a DA with Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp, $MCAC, with the shareholder vote taking place THIS TUESDAY 2/9/21. Once it's approved, the ticker will change to PLBY shortly after. One of the great things about this deal is that there are absolutely no warrants outstanding, meaning there will be very little dilution. They only have 1/10th of a right per share outstanding which automatically convert to common stock. Upon completion of the merger, PLBY will have only 37 million shares outstanding, which is a very low float. Any increase in volume and demand will send the stock price higher.
After the merger, PLBY will have a market cap of approximately 413 million. For comparison to other global brands, Nike's market cap is 185 billion, Disney's is 329 billion, and Lululemon's is 45 billion. Now I'm not saying Playboy is near those companies today. However, if they continue growing and realize their potential, they're massively undervalued.
Additionally, the management team all signed 12-month lock ups, preventing them from selling for at least one year. This is not a transaction sale, but a true capital raise to accelerate growth. They are in this for the long haul.
Conclusion
Playboy has big growth opportunities in multiple product categories to become a leading consumer lifestyle brand. They have a high margin profitable business model and a very healthy balance sheet. They have 100 million in free cash right now and only 40 million in net debt, or one times 2021 adjusted ebitda. They already have global brand awareness and the bunny logo alone has tremendous value. Ceo Ben Kohn knows what he's doing and has a proven track record of success.
It might be flying under the radar right now because all the hype is surrounding GME and EV socks. I believe when the ticker changes to PLBY and people realize that Playboy is no longer what it used to be, this has huge long term upside.
FYI: All of the statistics I mentioned are directly taken from the CEO Ben Kohn in his 1 hour webinar interview with SpacInsider.
Disclosure: Long 500 commons $MCAC
Disclaimer: Do your own due diligence too

NEW INFO 5 Results from share redemption are posted. Less than .2% redeemed. Very bullish as investors are showing extreme confidence in the future of PLBY.
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/playboy-mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-120000721.html
NEW INFO 4 Definitive Agreement to purchase 100% of Lovers brand stores announced 2/1.
https://www.streetinsider.com/Corporate+News/Playboy+%28MCAC%29+Confirms+Deal+to+Acquire+Lovers/17892359.html
NEW INFO 3 I bought more on the dip today. 5081 total. Price rose AH to $12.38 (2.15%)
NEW INFO 2 Here is the full webinar.
https://icrinc.zoom.us/rec/play/9GWKdmOYumjWfZuufW3QXpe_FW_g--qeNbg6PnTjTMbnNTgLmCbWjeRFpQga1iPc-elpGap8dnDv8Zww.yD7DjUwuPmapeEdP?continueMode=true&tk=lEYc4F_FkKlgsmCIs6w0gtGHT2kbgVGbUju3cIRBSjk.DQIAAAAV8NK49xZWdldRM2xNSFNQcTBmcE00UzM3bXh3AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA&uuid=WN_GKWqbHkeSyuWetJmLFkj4g&_x_zm_rtaid=kR45-uuqRE-L65AxLjpbQw.1611967079119.2c054e3d3f8d8e63339273d9175939ed&_x_zm_rhtaid=866
NEW INFO 1 Live merger webinar with PLBY and MCAC on Friday January 29, 2021 at 12:00 NOON EST link below
https://mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/press-release-details/2021/Playboy-Enterprises-Inc.-and-Mountain-Crest-Acquisition-Corp-Participate-in-SPACInsider-ICR-Webinar-on-January-29th-at-12pm-ET/default.aspx
Playboy going public: Porn, Gambling, and Cannabis
!!!WARNING READING AHEAD!!! TL;DR at the end. It will take some time to sort through all the links and read/watch everything, but you should.
In the next couple weeks, Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp is taking Playboy public. The existing ticker MCAC will become PLBY. Special purpose acquisition companies have taken private companies public in recent months with great success. I believe this will be no exception. Notably, Playboy is profitable and has skyrocketing revenue going into a transformational growth phase.
Porn - First and foremost, let's talk about porn. I know what you guys are thinking. “Porno mags are dead. Why would I want to invest in something like that? I can get porn for free online.” Guess what? You are absolutely right. And that’s exactly why Playboy doesn’t do that anymore. That’s right, they eliminated their print division. And yet they somehow STILL make money from porn that people (see: boomers) pay for on their website through PlayboyTV, Playboy Plus, and iPlayboy. Here’s the thing: Playboy has international, multi-generational name recognition from porn. They have content available in 180 countries. It will be the only publicly traded adult entertainment (porn) company. But that is not where this company is going. It will help support them along the way. You can see every Playboy magazine through iPlayboy if you’re interested. NSFW links below:
https://www.playboy.com/
https://www.playboytv.com/
https://www.playboyplus.com/
https://www.iplayboy.com/
Gambling - Some of you might recognize the Playboy brand from gambling trips to places like Las Vegas, Atlantic City, Cancun, London or Macau. They’ve been in the gambling biz for decades through their casinos, clubs, and licensed gaming products. They see the writing on the wall. COVID is accelerating the transition to digital, application based GAMBLING. That’s right. What we are doing on Robinhood with risky options is gambling, and the only reason regulators might give a shit anymore is because we are making too much money. There may be some restrictions put in place, but gambling from your phone on your couch is not going anywhere. More and more states are allowing things like Draftkings, poker, state ‘lottery” apps, hell - even political betting. Michigan and Virginia just ok’d gambling apps. They won’t be the last. This is all from your couch and any 18 year old with a cracked iphone can access it. Wouldn’t it be cool if Playboy was going to do something like that? They’re already working on it. As per CEO Ben Kohn who we will get to later, “...the company’s casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth.” Honestly, I stopped researching Scientific Games' sports betting segment when I saw the word ‘omni-channel’. That told me all I needed to know about it’s success.
“Our SG Sports™ platform is an enhanced, omni-channel solution for online, self-service and retail fixed odds sports betting – from soccer to tennis, basketball, football, baseball, hockey, motor sports, racing and more.”
https://www.scientificgames.com/
https://www.microgaming.co.uk/
“This latter segment has become increasingly enticing for Playboy, and it said last week that it is considering new tie-ups that could include gaming operators like PointsBet and 888Holdings.”
https://calvinayre.com/2020/10/05/business/playboys-gaming-ops-could-get-a-boost-from-spac-purchase/
As per their SEC filing:
“Significant consumer engagement and spend with Playboy-branded gaming properties around the world, including with leading partners such as Microgaming, Scientific Games, and Caesar’s Entertainment, steers our investment in digital gaming, sports betting and other digital offerings to further support our commercial strategy to expand consumer spend with minimal marginal cost, and gain consumer data to inform go-to-market plans across categories.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tMDAA1
They are expanding into more areas of gaming/gambling, working with international players in the digital gaming/gambling arena, and a Playboy sportsbook is on the horizon.
https://www.playboy.com/read/the-pleasure-of-playing-with-yourself-mobile-gaming-in-the-covid-era
Cannabis - If you’ve ever read through a Playboy magazine, you know they’ve had a positive relationship with cannabis for many years. As of September 2020, Playboy has made a major shift into the cannabis space. Too good to be true you say? Check their website. Playboy currently sells a range of CBD products. This is a good sign. Federal hemp products, which these most likely are, can be mailed across state lines and most importantly for a company like Playboy, can operate through a traditional banking institution. CBD products are usually the first step towards the cannabis space for large companies. Playboy didn’t make these products themselves meaning they are working with a processor in the cannabis industry. Another good sign for future expansion. What else do they have for sale? Pipes, grinders, ashtrays, rolling trays, joint holders. Hmm. Ok. So it looks like they want to sell some shit. They probably don’t have an active interest in cannabis right? Think again:
https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/09/24/playboy-gets-serious-about-cannabis-law-reform-advocacy-with-new-partnership-grants/?sh=62f044a65cea
“Taking yet another step into the cannabis space, Playboy will be announcing later on Thursday (September, 2020) that it is launching a cannabis law reform and advocacy campaign in partnership with National Organization for the Reform of Marijuana Laws (NORML), Last Prisoner Project, Marijuana Policy Project, the Veterans Cannabis Project, and the Eaze Momentum Program.”
“According to information procured exclusively, the three-pronged campaign will focus on calling for federal legalization. The program also includes the creation of a mentorship plan, through which the Playboy Foundation will support entrepreneurs from groups that are underrepresented in the industry.” Remember that CEO Kohn from earlier? He wrote this recently:
https://medium.com/naked-open-letters-from-playboy/congress-must-pass-the-more-act-c867c35239ae
Seems like he really wants weed to be legal? Hmm wonder why? The writing's on the wall my friends. Playboy wants into the cannabis industry, they are making steps towards this end, and we have favorable conditions for legislative progress.
Don’t think branding your own cannabis line is profitable or worthwhile? Tell me why these 41 celebrity millionaires and billionaires are dummies. I’ll wait.
https://www.celebstoner.com/news/celebstoner-news/2019/07/12/top-celebrity-cannabis-brands/
Confirmation: I hear you. “This all seems pretty speculative. It would be wildly profitable if they pull this shift off. But how do we really know?” Watch this whole video:
https://finance.yahoo.com/video/playboy-ceo-telling-story-female-154907068.html
Man - this interview just gets my juices flowing. And highlights one of my favorite reasons for this play. They have so many different business avenues from which a catalyst could appear. I think paying attention, holding shares, and options on these staggered announcements over the next year is the way I am going to go about it. "There's definitely been a shift to direct-to-consumer," he (Kohn) said. "About 50 percent of our revenue today is direct-to-consumer, and that will continue to grow going forward.” “Kohn touted Playboy's portfolio of both digital and consumer products, with casino-style gaming, in particular, serving a crucial role under the company's new business model. Playboy also has its sights on the emerging cannabis market, from CBD products to marijuana products geared toward sexual health and pleasure.” "If THC does become legal in the United States, we have developed certain strains to enhance your sex life that we will launch," Kohn said. https://cheddar.com/media/playboy-goes-public-health-gaming-lifestyle-focus Oh? The CEO actually said it? Ok then. “We have developed certain strains…” They’re already working with growers on strains and genetics? Ok. There are several legal cannabis markets for those products right now, international and stateside. I expect Playboy licensed hemp and THC pre-rolls by EOY. Something like this: https://www.etsy.com/listing/842996758/10-playboy-pre-roll-tubes-limited?ga_order=most_relevant&ga_search_type=all&ga_view_type=gallery&ga_search_query=pre+roll+playboy&ref=sr_gallery-1-2&organic_search_click=1 Maintaining cannabis operations can be costly and a regulatory headache. Playboy’s licensing strategy allows them to pick successful, established partners and sidestep traditional barriers to entry. You know what I like about these new markets? They’re expanding. Worldwide. And they are going to be a bigger deal than they already are with or without Playboy. Who thinks weed and gambling are going away? Too many people like that stuff. These are easy markets. And Playboy is early enough to carve out their spot in each. Fuck it, read this too: https://www.forbes.com/sites/jimosman/2020/10/20/playboy-could-be-the-king-of-spacs-here-are-three-picks/?sh=2e13dcaa3e05
Numbers: You want numbers? I got numbers. As per the company’s most recent SEC filing:
“For the year ended December 31, 2019, and the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s historical consolidated revenue was $78.1 million and $101.3 million, respectively, historical consolidated net income (loss) was $(23.6) million and $(4.8) million, respectively, and Adjusted EBITDA was $13.1 million and $21.8 million, respectively.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Licensing segment contributed $44.2 million in revenue and $31.1 million in net income.”
“In the ninth months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Direct-to-Consumer segment contributed $40.2 million in revenue and net income of $0.1 million.”
“In the nine months ended September 30, 2020, Playboy’s Digital Subscriptions and Content segment contributed $15.4 million in revenue and net income of $7.4 million.”
They are profitable across all three of their current business segments.
“Playboy’s return to the public markets presents a transformed, streamlined and high-growth business. The Company has over $400 million in cash flows contracted through 2029, sexual wellness products available for sale online and in over 10,000 major retail stores in the US, and a growing variety of clothing and branded lifestyle and digital gaming products.”
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
Growth: Playboy has massive growth in China and massive growth potential in India. “In China, where Playboy has spent more than 25 years building its business, our licensees have an enormous footprint of nearly 2,500 brick and mortar stores and 1,000 ecommerce stores selling high quality, Playboy-branded men’s casual wear, shoes/footwear, sleepwear, swimwear, formal suits, leather & non-leather goods, sweaters, active wear, and accessories. We have achieved significant growth in China licensing revenues over the past several years in partnership with strong licensees and high-quality manufacturers, and we are planning for increased growth through updates to our men’s fashion lines and expansion into adjacent categories in men’s skincare and grooming, sexual wellness, and women’s fashion, a category where recent launches have been well received.” The men’s market in China is about the same size as the entire population of the United States and European Union combined. Playboy is a leading brand in this market. They are expanding into the women’s market too. Did you know CBD toothpaste is huge in China? China loves CBD products and has hemp fields that dwarf those in the US. If Playboy expands their CBD line China it will be huge. Did you know the gambling money in Macau absolutely puts Las Vegas to shame? Technically, it's illegal on the mainland, but in reality, there is a lot of gambling going on in China. https://www.forbes.com/sites/javierhasse/2020/10/19/magic-johnson-and-uncle-buds-cbd-brand-enter-china-via-tmall-partnership/?sh=271776ca411e “In India, Playboy today has a presence through select apparel licensees and hospitality establishments. Consumer research suggests significant growth opportunities in the territory with Playboy’s brand and categories of focus.” “Playboy Enterprises has announced the expansion of its global consumer products business into India as part of a partnership with Jay Jay Iconic Brands, a leading fashion and lifestyle Company in India.” “The Indian market today is dominated by consumers under the age of 35, who represent more than 65 percent of the country’s total population and are driving India’s significant online shopping growth. The Playboy brand’s core values of playfulness and exploration resonate strongly with the expressed desires of today’s younger millennial consumers. For us, Playboy was the perfect fit.” “The Playboy international portfolio has been flourishing for more than 25 years in several South Asian markets such as China and Japan. In particular, it has strategically targeted the millennial and gen-Z audiences across categories such as apparel, footwear, home textiles, eyewear and watches.” https://www.licenseglobal.com/industry-news/playboy-expands-global-footprint-india It looks like they gave COVID the heisman in terms of net damage sustained: “Although Playboy has not suffered any material adverse consequences to date from the COVID-19 pandemic, the business has been impacted both negatively and positively. The remote working and stay-at-home orders resulted in the closure of the London Playboy Club and retail stores of Playboy’s licensees, decreasing licensing revenues in the second quarter, as well as causing supply chain disruption and less efficient product development thereby slowing the launch of new products. However, these negative impacts were offset by an increase in Yandy’s direct-to-consumer sales, which have benefited in part from overall increases in online retail sales so far during the pandemic.” Looks like the positives are long term (Yandy acquisition) and the negatives are temporary (stay-at-home orders).
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921006093/tm213766-1_defa14a.htm
This speaks to their ability to maintain a financially solvent company throughout the transition phase to the aforementioned areas. They’d say some fancy shit like “expanded business model to encompass four key revenue streams: Sexual Wellness, Style & Apparel, Gaming & Lifestyle, and Beauty & Grooming.” I hear “we’re just biding our time with these trinkets until those dollar dollar bill y’all markets are fully up and running.” But the truth is these existing revenue streams are profitable, scalable, and rapidly expanding Playboy’s e-commerce segment around the world.
"Even in the face of COVID this year, we've been able to grow EBITDA over 100 percent and revenue over 68 percent, and I expect that to accelerate going into 2021," he said. “Playboy is accelerating its growth in company-owned and branded consumer products in attractive and expanding markets in which it has a proven history of brand affinity and consumer spend.”
Also in the SEC filing, the Time Frame:
“As we detailed in the definitive proxy statement, the SPAC stockholder meeting to vote on the transaction has been set for February 9th, and, subject to stockholder approval and satisfaction of the other closing conditions, we expect to complete the merger and begin trading on NASDAQ under ticker PLBY shortly thereafter,” concluded Kohn.
The Players: Suhail “The Whale” Rizvi (HMFIC), Ben “The Bridge” Kohn (CEO), “lil” Suying Liu & “Big” Dong Liu (Young-gun China gang). I encourage you to look these folks up. The real OG here is Suhail Rizvi. He’s from India originally and Chairman of the Board for the new PLBY company. He was an early investor in Twitter, Square, Facebook and others. His firm, Rizvi Traverse, currently invests in Instacart, Pinterest, Snapchat, Playboy, and SpaceX. Maybe you’ve heard of them. “Rizvi, who owns a sprawling three-home compound in Greenwich, Connecticut, and a 1.65-acre estate in Palm Beach, Florida, near Bill Gates and Michael Bloomberg, moved to Iowa Falls when he was five. His father was a professor of psychology at Iowa. Along with his older brother Ashraf, a hedge fund manager, Rizvi graduated from Wharton business school.” “Suhail Rizvi: the 47-year-old 'unsocial' social media baron: When Twitter goes public in the coming weeks (2013), one of the biggest winners will be a 47-year-old financier who guards his secrecy so zealously that he employs a person to take down his Wikipedia entry and scrub his photos from the internet. In IPO, Twitter seeks to be 'anti-FB'” “Prince Alwaleed bin Talal of Saudi Arabia looks like a big Twitter winner. So do the moneyed clients of Jamie Dimon. But as you’ve-got-to-be-joking wealth washed over Twitter on Thursday — a company that didn’t exist eight years ago was worth $31.7 billion after its first day on the stock market — the non-boldface name of the moment is Suhail R. Rizvi. Mr. Rizvi, 47, runs a private investment company that is the largest outside investor in Twitter with a 15.6 percent stake worth $3.8 billion at the end of trading on Thursday (November, 2013). Using a web of connections in the tech industry and in finance, as well as a hearty dose of good timing, he brought many prominent names in at the ground floor, including the Saudi prince and some of JPMorgan’s wealthiest clients.” https://www.nytimes.com/2013/11/08/technology/at-twitter-working-behind-the-scenes-toward-a-billion-dollar-payday.html Y’all like that Arab money? How about a dude that can call up Saudi Princes and convince them to spend? Funniest shit about I read about him: “Rizvi was able to buy only $100 million in Facebook shortly before its IPO, thus limiting his returns, according to people with knowledge of the matter.” Poor guy :(
He should be fine with the 16 million PLBY shares he's going to have though :)
Shuhail also has experience in the entertainment industry. He’s invested in companies like SESAC, ICM, and Summit Entertainment. He’s got Hollywood connections to blast this stuff post-merger. And he’s at least partially responsible for that whole Twilight thing. I’m team Edward btw.
I really like what Suhail has done so far. He’s lurked in the shadows while Kohn is consolidating the company, trimming the fat, making Playboy profitable, and aiming the ship at modern growing markets.
https://www.reuters.com/article/us-twitter-ipo-rizvi-insight/insight-little-known-hollywood-investor-poised-to-score-with-twitter-ipo-idUSBRE9920VW20131003
Ben “The Bridge” Kohn is an interesting guy. He’s the connection between Rizvi Traverse and Playboy. He’s both CEO of Playboy and was previously Managing Partner at Rizvi Traverse. Ben seems to be the voice of the Playboy-Rizvi partnership, which makes sense with Suhail’s privacy concerns. Kohn said this:
“Today is a very big day for all of us at Playboy and for all our partners globally. I stepped into the CEO role at Playboy in 2017 because I saw the biggest opportunity of my career. Playboy is a brand and platform that could not be replicated today. It has massive global reach, with more than $3B of global consumer spend and products sold in over 180 countries. Our mission – to create a culture where all people can pursue pleasure – is rooted in our 67-year history and creates a clear focus for our business and role we play in people’s lives, providing them with the products, services and experiences that create a lifestyle of pleasure. We are taking this step into the public markets because the committed capital will enable us to accelerate our product development and go-to-market strategies and to more rapidly build our direct to consumer capabilities,” said Ben Kohn, CEO of Playboy.
“Playboy today is a highly profitable commerce business with a total addressable market projected in the trillions of dollars,” Mr. Kohn continued, “We are actively selling into the Sexual Wellness consumer category, projected to be approximately $400 billion in size by 2024, where our recently launched intimacy products have rolled out to more than 10,000 stores at major US retailers in the United States. Combined with our owned & operated ecommerce Sexual Wellness initiatives, the category will contribute more than 40% of our revenue this year. In our Apparel and Beauty categories, our collaborations with high-end fashion brands including Missguided and PacSun are projected to achieve over $50M in retail sales across the US and UK this year, our leading men’s apparel lines in China expanded to nearly 2500 brick and mortar stores and almost 1000 digital stores, and our new men’s and women’s fragrance line recently launched in Europe. In Gaming, our casino-style digital gaming products with Scientific Games and Microgaming continue to see significant global growth. Our product strategy is informed by years of consumer data as we actively expand from a purely licensing model into owning and operating key high-growth product lines focused on driving profitability and consumer lifetime value. We are thrilled about the future of Playboy. Our foundation has been set to drive further growth and margin, and with the committed capital from this transaction and our more than $180M in NOLs, we will take advantage of the opportunity in front of us, building to our goal of $100M of adjusted EBITDA in 2025.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
Also, according to their Form 4s, “Big” Dong Liu and “lil” Suying Liu just loaded up with shares last week. These guys are brothers and seem like the Chinese market connection. They are only 32 & 35 years old. I don’t even know what that means, but it's provocative.
https://www.secform4.com/insider-trading/1832415.htm
https://finance.yahoo.com/news/mountain-crest-acquisition-corp-ii-002600994.html
Y’all like that China money?
“Mr. Liu has been the Chief Financial Officer of Dongguan Zhishang Photoelectric Technology Co., Ltd., a regional designer, manufacturer and distributor of LED lights serving commercial customers throughout Southern China since November 2016, at which time he led a syndicate of investments into the firm. Mr. Liu has since overseen the financials of Dongguan Zhishang as well as provided strategic guidance to its board of directors, advising on operational efficiency and cash flow performance. From March 2010 to October 2016, Mr. Liu was the Head of Finance at Feidiao Electrical Group Co., Ltd., a leading Chinese manufacturer of electrical outlets headquartered in Shanghai and with businesses in the greater China region as well as Europe.”
Dr. Suying Liu, Chairman and Chief Executive Officer of Mountain Crest Acquisition Corp., commented, “Playboy is a unique and compelling investment opportunity, with one of the world’s largest and most recognized brands, its proven consumer affinity and spend, and its enormous future growth potential in its four product segments and new and existing geographic regions. I am thrilled to be partnering with Ben and his exceptional team to bring his vision to fruition.”
https://www.businesswire.com/news/home/20201001005404/en/Playboy-to-Become-a-Public-Company
These guys are good. They have a proven track record of success across multiple industries. Connections and money run deep with all of these guys. I don’t think they’re in the game to lose.
I was going to write a couple more paragraphs about why you should have a look at this but really the best thing you can do is read this SEC filing from a couple days ago. It explains the situation in far better detail. Specifically, look to page 137 and read through their strategy. Also, look at their ownership percentages and compensation plans including the stock options and their prices. The financials look great, revenue is up 90% Q3, and it looks like a bright future.
https://www.sec.gov/Archives/edgadata/1803914/000110465921005986/tm2034213-12_defm14a.htm#tSHCF
I’m hesitant to attach this because his position seems short term, but I’m going to with a warning because he does hit on some good points (two are below his link) and he’s got a sizable position in this thing (500k+ on margin, I think). I don’t know this guy but he did look at the same publicly available info and make roughly the same prediction, albeit without the in depth gambling or cannabis mention. You can also search reddit for ‘MCAC’ and very few relevant results come up and none of them even come close to really looking at this thing.
https://docs.google.com/document/d/1gOvAd6lebs452hFlWWbxVjQ3VMsjGBkbJeXRwDwIJfM/edit?usp=sharing
“Also, before you people start making claims that Playboy is a “boomer” company, STOP RIGHT THERE. This is not a good argument. Simply put. The only thing that matters is Playboy’s name recognition, not their archaic business model which doesn’t even exist anymore as they have completely repurposed their business.”
“Imagine not buying $MCAC at a 400M valuation lol. Streetwear department is worth 1B alone imo.”
Considering the ridiculous Chinese growth as a lifestyle brand, he’s not wrong.
Current Cultural Significance and Meme Value: A year ago I wouldn’t have included this section but the events from the last several weeks (even going back to tsla) have proven that a company’s ability to meme and/or gain social network popularity can have an effect. Tik-tok, Snapchat, Twitch, Reddit, Youtube, Facebook, Twitter. They all have Playboy stuff on them. Kids in middle and highschool know what Playboy is but will likely never see or touch one of the magazines in person. They’ll have a Playboy hoodie though. Crazy huh? A lot like GME, PLBY would hugely benefit from meme-value stock interest to drive engagement towards their new business model while also building strategic coffers. This interest may not directly and/or significantly move the stock price but can generate significant interest from larger players who will.
Bull Case: The year is 2025. Playboy is now the world leader pleasure brand. They began by offering Playboy licensed gaming products, including gambling products, direct to consumers through existing names. By 2022, demand has skyrocketed and Playboy has designed and released their own gambling platforms. In 2025, they are also a leading cannabis brand in the United States and Canada with proprietary strains and products geared towards sexual wellness. Cannabis was legalized in the US in 2023 when President Biden got glaucoma but had success with cannabis treatment. He personally pushes for cannabis legalization as he steps out of office after his first term. Playboy has also grown their brand in China and India to multi-billion per year markets. The stock goes up from 11ish to 100ish and everyone makes big gains buying somewhere along the way.
Bear Case: The United States does a complete 180 on marijuana and gambling. President Biden overdoses on marijuana in the Lincoln bedroom when his FDs go tits up and he loses a ton of money in his sports book app after the Fighting Blue Hens narrowly lose the National Championship to Bama. Playboy is unable to expand their cannabis and gambling brands but still does well with their worldwide lifestyle brand. They gain and lose some interest in China and India but the markets are too large to ignore them completely. The stock goes up from 11ish to 13ish and everyone makes 15-20% gains.
TL;DR: Successful technology/e-commerce investment firm took over Playboy to turn it into a porn, online gambling/gaming, sports book, cannabis company, worldwide lifestyle brand that promotes sexual wellness, vetern access, women-ownership, minority-ownership, and “pleasure for all”. Does a successful online team reinventing an antiquated physical copy giant sound familiar? No options yet, shares only for now. $11.38 per share at time of writing. My guess? $20 by the end of February. $50 by EOY. This is not financial advice. I am not qualified to give financial advice. I’m just sayin’ I would personally use a Playboy sports book app while smoking a Playboy strain specific joint and it would be cool if they did that. Do your own research. You’d probably want to start here:
WARNING - POTENTIALLY NSFW - SEXY MODELS AHEAD - no actual nudity though
https://s26.q4cdn.com/895475556/files/doc_presentations/Playboy-Craig-Hallum-Conference-Investor-Presentation-11_17_20-compressed.pdf
Or here:
https://www.mcacquisition.com/investor-relations/default.aspx
Jimmy Chill: “Get into any SPAC at $10 or $11 and you are going to make money.”
STL;DR: Buy MCAC. MCAC > PLBY couple weeks. Rocketship. Moon.
Position: 5000 shares. I will buy short, medium, and long-dated calls once available.

Hey fellow apes,
I have been a part of the community since last week.
Heard about the movement and sticking it to Melvin and the hedge funds. I had some extra money and got 2 shares of GME at $320. I considered this no different than me going to the casino and joining a poker tournament or playing roulette for money as far as profit goes.
I did it because after reading for hours from WSB, I wanted to join the movement. I have been holding with my two shares doing what I can.
I just wanted to say that while the sub seems to be flooded with negativity from people that are bots, paper hands, etc, I am holding strong and love being stupid with yall. I think we all have forgot that this is gambling at the end of the day, and if we are having fun with it, let's do it.
Thanks for being stupid, fun, and awesome <3

1. Horse selling/wild horse capture

Rockstar already said this would happen.
You can't even add anything new without players getting mad that they still don't have this.
​
2) Mansions/houses (camp reconstruction)
Basically make a upgradable version of camp.
I don't really care about the non-realism that I can move the location of my camp/house/mansion.
Another place I can drink w/posse.
Another place I can play poker w/posse.
A PHYSICAL horse stable where I can see my horses in their stalls in freeroam. Not just the one I'm currently riding. Basically an instance like the moonshiner shack.
A farm/garden=No herb hunting, no catalogue purchases.
Chop firewood cuz whynot its already in the game. Add that stump to camp please.
Literally something as simple as this could make players so happy. If you're too lazy to add this at least make property in Saint Denis rentable or some shit. The camp is not a home and I do not feel like my character has a home, which just feels unsatisfying and incomplete. Didn't exist in GTA5 where I have like 5 homes.
\/ (And finally and most importantly) \/
3) Fix horse racing. What we have now is disgusting.
Remove the fucking weapons.
Make REAL changes to horses and their stats so it matters. Make a few breeds competitive between each other like in GTA5.
Remove ALL current races and create actual fucking race paths though the map for many different races. None of this back and forth checkpoint garbage. You did it in GTA5 what went wrong here?
More race wins a horse has = higher selling price up too a cap. Because fucking realism.
GTA5 cars actually matter because races actually exist. People care about them.
There is NO horse racing in RDO, what we have is a violent bullshit clusterfuck, and the bullshit pseudo races in RDO make all horses completely fucking worthless in my eyes because I CAN'T FUCKING RACE WITH THEM.
When I youtubed the races and saw that garbage I can't even describe my fucking disappointment and anger. Has ANYONE at rockstar even watched the movie Hidalgo? Because that's bad ass horse racing that I want to see in the time period I want to see it. Epic music starts playing as players reach the last checkpoint and race to the finish. The 1st and 2nd place side by side racing to the finish, one slowly pulling away from the other, both players on the edges of their fucking seats.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=I1jjnr_jklw < Hidalgo
DID YOU SEE THEM SHOOTING EACH OTHER? I hate you rockstar... :(
Great way for you to remove a load of profitability from this game. Don't even bother with horses anymore because without this it doesn't even matter, like at all. You completely ruined it and destroyed any value people had over the horses. Horses are completely valueless except for how fast they can get you across the map in freeroam. Nobody buys horses for the non-existent races. Aside from dailies nobody even does the fucking "races" because they're not even fun.
So many different cosmetics you can add for certain amount of race wins like in GTA5. For both the player and the horse. What you have now is not just dead, its also a dead end.
If you really don't want to waste all the "effort" by removing the terrible races we have now, change the name to "Death Race" and create a new mode called "Races" that are actual fucking races. Nobody will play death races anyways so I would just say to delete that trash from the game to save space for better future shit.
I was so excited for the races and to see that RDO doesn't even have real races completely ruined my motivation to care about the horses or anything like that. Add a new super fast Arabian for 250 gold? Don't care, can't race it.
You are not making content faster than I can grind to purchase it. Meaning barely anyone is going to buy gold because there is no pressure to do so. Say I spend my remaining gold on something, then a new super horse comes out and I care deeply about real races so I would probably drop $25-$50 on the game to get it because it would take a week or more to get the gold to buy it and by that time something else that's cool would be coming out that costs gold that I would also want. THUS FORCING ME TO BUY GOLD. Well not really forcing but puts pressure to do so, which this game desperately needs. The only people who should be able to buy everything are the 12+ hour a day grinders. Not me, a 6+ hour a day grinder when new content is added and a maybe 1+ hour a day grinder when I'm bored. I can buy everything. I shouldn't be able too.
This isn't because we get too much gold. Its because there is never enough new content to spend it on. Too many 1 time purchases. Imagine buying a horse 3 times and each time its too slow to win races, so you'd have to grind to get a horse that's actually competitive in its speed. An RNG element that keeps you playing because each horse even of the same breed is slightly different, giving each horse a sort of personality beyond appearance. Horse racing during this time period was a rich person sport. Beginners shouldn't be able to win horse races with the starter horse. They shouldn't be able to win races at all and a big goal for beginners would be to get wealthy enough to be able to race competitively with the other end-game players. Similar to Runescape and the sand casino if you know about that, beginners can't go to the casino they'll get rekt and lose all their money. Its an end-game activity. I want races as more of an end-game $$$ and gold sink activity rather than something you do when you're bored or daily hunting. Something you do for FUN end-game, not something you do to make money end-game. Rockstar keeps adding ways to grind, but nothing to grind FOR. I don't want another business. I already have a bunch and lots of gold and money. Give me an activity to $spend$ crazy on, like real horse races.
This is what I want to see. This would make me play RDO for 6+ hours a day again. Instead of popping in for a few dailies, maybe a trade run then leaving for CSGO or Valorant.
I just want to preface that I do love RDO, and I have purchased gold because I want to see this game succeed. I have everything and 200+ million in GTA5 and I've never and will never purchase a shark card because I don't really care if GTA 5 succeeds or not. RDO is a completely different story. There are so many GTA copycats but nothing like RDO.
I want to race so badly in this game and I'm just not able too. The most similar I can get is running away from griefers as they try to catch me with their slow ass horses.

Acedcoin (ACED)
300k Mcap and they have an actual product running. AceD has a very large amount of sportbetting, live sports betting and a big casino up and running. Online poker is scheduled for Q1 2021. Everyday users of the casino increases, while the marketing campaign is yet to come. Acedbets is fully anonymous. When you want to bet on their website, you could easily register, they only need an email and no further information. It's easy securing your account, for instance with Google Authenticator.
Several coins could be used for gambling on their website, so what is the purpose of their own token?

1. When betting with AceD you will get 3% cashback on your losses.
2. With 500k AceD tokens you could join the dividend pool, which gives you 10% of the profits (split among the users of this pool).
3. With 1M AceD tokens you could join the dividend pool, which gives you 20% of the profits (split among users of this pool).
4. You can stake your tokens (several pools) up to 100% APY.
5. A large amount of the profits will move back as liquidity on uniswap, so there will be plenty of liquidity.

In the early stage, it's only possible for presalers to join the dividends pool. In the future the people in the dividends pool hold governance and decide if someone can join the pool. Which will happen, because that will also drive the price of AceD.
Further information can be found on acedcoin.com There you also find links to for instance medium articles, telegram, twitter etc. acedbets.io is their gambling platform. Below you find their official etherscan adress.
0x885e127aba09bf8fae058a2895c221b37697c9be
Also listed on coingecko https://www.coingecko.com/nl/coins/aced

As I see it nano is one of the more social cryptos, having had a pretty fair distribution, having social projects like WeNano and a very environmentally friendly technology.
I have noticed there are some nano gambling projects like nanobet and nanogames and while I am not against gambling per se, I think we should take a critical look at gambling using nano, especially in the long-term where it could become a bigger and bigger source of profit.
As a former semi-professional poker player I am aware how profitable it can be to profit from other's gambling impulse, but the other side of the coin is that even being a winning player is an emotional roller coaster and being losing player for very many people is a bad experience and at worst emotionally and financially devastating.
Needless to say, in a casino everyone is a losing player except the casino (or the rare clever one that uses a profitable bonus and leaves afterwards).
That's why in my opinion gambling providers should be held to a high ethical standard, and in my humble opinion the state of the industry leaves a lot to be desired in that regard.
My dream is a form of gambling that's truly win-win-win (for players, providers and society). Of course given the zero-sum nature of the interactions involved, this is only possible on an idealistic level; that is to say, that even the players that lose money should have a good reason to feel satisfied with the interaction. As I see it the most obvious way to achieve that would be to help the players feel that their money is not lost, but on the contrary is being put to great use by helping fund effective charities. Additionally one could compensate players with virtual rewards that have no significant expenses (for example tokens, NTFs, or possibly something like coupons etc) in order to increase the feeling of being rewarded regardless of monetary loss, and possibly even give them the chance to have an indirect monetary benefit later. Of course a gambling provider should be still be able to cover their costs and get a fair compensation for the time and effort put into development.
The bottom line, I hope the nano community will take a stand against profit-oriented gambling providers. I would really like to see a gambling provider in the crypto-space that has a decidedly charitable focus, that would really be something novel and potentially transformative if it could get big. Personally I don't have the skills and drive required to make it happen by myself, but I would love to contribute to such a project or inspire people, so if you are interested and have skills or connections in that area, feel free to message me or join the subreddit I created /CryptoAltruism/.

Hi,
I have been a professional poker player for the past 3.5 years and have been following poker and the community for the past 8 years. Also, I am a current ADA holder. After learning about the blockchain, I saw the benefits that could be obtained by running a poker site on one. I think a well done poker website on a blockchain could kill every other kind of poker site and would love to see this come to fruition. However, to create a huge poker site that rivals the likes of PokerStars requires a ton of money, experience and a huge team. Therefore, I am a bit lost at how to proceed. I guess hopefully this post catches the eyes of someone that is looking for an idea and has the expertise, team, and capabilities to pull it off.
Below I have listed the current problems that plague the poker industry, all which can be fixed by the blockchain. After, I list the challenges that would be faced if someone tried this endeavor.
Problems with Current Poker Industry:
​

• High Rake: The percentage of money the casino operator takes from each hand, known as rake, is ridiculous across all major poker sites. At the lowest stakes, the games are close to unbeatable because the operator is taking such a large percentage of the money off the table each hand. Additionally, tournaments charge registration fees of up to 10% per tournament!
• Trust: From companies being caught with backdoor super user accounts to companies not being able to play out player to trusting whether or not the RNG is rigged, there is an inherit lack of trust in the online poker community. Especially in the US in states where poker is not legal, there are now many off-shore poker sites that operate a ton of money, yet are not regulated at all by the government. It is only a matter of time before this all goes bad in my opinion.
• Community at odds with Operators: For the last 10 years that I have been in the poker community, there has always been a rivalry and tension between the players and the poker site operators, mainly PokerStars. Essentially, some time paces and PokerStars raises the rake. The players complain, try to boycott and take other measures, all to no avail. Especially 5 years ago, PokerStars had a strangle hold on the industry. Recently, some other big sites like GG Poker, Party Poker, and Run It Once have gained market share. Despite the increased competition, rake is high across all sites and the players feel like the companies only care about profit. With a decentralized poker site, the community can now come together and run the poker site using Voltaire (I think) to create the first ever poker site for the players, something the community is longing for badly in my opinion.

Challenges:
​

• Building the site: For a site to truly steal market share and compete, the software has to be elite. Run It Once is a recently launched poker operator, and they built their software by scratch and it took multiple years, overshooting all their deadlines and they still have only realized maybe 25% of what they plan to release. I am not sure how to solve this problem.
• USA Market: Poker is not legal in the US except in a handful of states.
• Licenses and Regulation: Would need many licenses to operate and would take a lot of time and money I assume
• Bots: Players using software in real time and/or using bots that actually play for them is one of the biggest issues facing the poker industry today. If somehow Cardano could alleviate this problem in any way that would be huge. But if not, then a decent amount of money and effort would need to be allocated toward security of the site regarding bots. Who would pay for this now and moving forward? Treasury? Seems like this is the biggest expense that would be tough to manage as a decentralized community. Especially with new companies like Poker King coming out that are using their security team against bots as their competitive advantage.
• A lot of competition: It seems like in the last 5 years, many new companies have gained market share. Additionally, there are some other blockchain based poker companies already in the works for a while now (Virtue Poker https://virtue.poke).

If anyone wants to run with this idea it is all yours and would be glad to help. I have been working relentlessly at poker the last 3.5 years to become one of the best in the world. In the process, I know what the players and community desires and lacks. I would love to have a strategic role in a site like this and really just want to solve the problems that I face everyday as a professional poker player.

This guide aims to outline all of the best gambling cashback offers available over a range of sites, following this guide you should be able to make over £500 in cashback
Note - Cashback often takes a while to payout, bear this in mind when completing offers as you may have to wait to cashout your earnings
When completing these offers don't chase any loses as the cashback will give you a profit with nerly every offer
A short review of each site and some referral links
Topcashback - Cashback will show as tracked within a few days, can take a few weeks to become payable, in some cases even longer, asides from gambling they have great offers for car insurance and mobile phone contracts, worth taking a look to save some extra money!
Ref - Extra £5 when you make £10 cashback
Non-Ref - No reward
Quidco - Much the same as Topcashback
Ref
Non-Ref
Minimum payment - £10
Ohmydosh - Faster Payouts but less offers
Ref - Extra £1
Non-Ref - No reward
Minimum payout - Any
Cashback Earners - A lesser known site in need of a fresh look, this site also has some bad reviews, referal income is paid to the site on a monthly basis with the dates for each site being different, offers don't seem to show as tracked until the website receive their payment, cashback should appear in your account within 1 month of completing an offer. Cashout amounts are specific, its best to build up a balance and then withdraw. Payment takes around 3 weeks.
Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5
Non-Ref - Sign up bonus £6.5
Minimum payout is £20
Payment Proof - Payments for all sites can be seen here, quidco isn't shown as i have signed up for all the casinos on offer through topcashback

How to Maximize Profit - IMPORTANT - READ THIS

For the majority of these offers you want to play blackjack following the chart found here
Any blackjack game will do, look for a normal version of the game at the site you are playing on and make sure it is a non live game as the hand sizes will be lower.
When playing blackjack there will often be more than one spot that you can bet on, allowing the player to bet more than one hand at a time, Its important to only bet on one spot at a time as it reduces the variance of the game and will ensure you get the maximum return possible from the game, stick to £1 hand sizes when playing and dont be tempted to bet larger amounts as you will be getting a nice amount of cashback from every offer
Through playing blackjack this way the player will get a return of around 98%, meaning for every £100 staked you will lose around £2. If you make a loss on a casino site after completing the required wagering amount, withdraw your remaining balance, don't chase loses as the cashback will make up for loses and give you a profit in most cases.
All offers are updated fairly regularly, make sure to check the terms for each offer as information in this post may become outdated. Also check for other offers every now and then as new casinos are added!

TopCashBack Offers - £400+ Profit

Topcashback Referral - Get an extra £5 - See the Ref Link at the top of the page!
If you dont already have an account at top cashback, you can sign up through my referral to get an extra £5 added to you account once you make £10 cashback
Lottoland - Cashback £15
Add £11 and play 11 separate £1 hands, following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Betfair Casino - Cashback £70
Note this is not the poker offer
Add £50 to your account and play 50 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Quidco are offering £100 for this offer
Party Casino - Cashback £26.5
Deposit and play 30 single £1 hand son blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Tombola - Cashback £24.5
Deposit £10 and open the tombola roulette game, choose a £1 chip size and choose 5 spots, repeat this twice, withdraw any remaining balance, you will likely lose money here but the cashback will give you a profit
Coral - Cashback £46
Add £10 and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Bingoport - Cashback £3
Sign up to bingoport to get an easy £3
Ladbrokes - Cashback £42
Add £10 to your account and play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Pokerstars - Cashback £32
Add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
STS - Cashback £21
Add £30 to your account and play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
William Hill - Cashback £54
add £25 and play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Megacasino - £15.75
Add £25 - Play 25 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
LottoGo - Cashback £3.18
Buy a euromillions ticket
Slingo - Cashback £24.75
Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
PaddyPower Games - Cashback £20
Add £10 play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
The Football Pools - Cashback £24.75
Sign up for the £10 a month subscription, cancel this after 30 days
Lottomart - Cashback £18
Add £10 - Play 10 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Genting Slots - Cashback £25
Add £30 play 30 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
OhMyDosh - Cashback £40+
Referral gives an extra £1, sign up through the ref link at the top of the post to get the bonus!
Gala Bingo - Cashback £17.50
Deposit at least £5, you'll get a £10 slots bonus and 100 free spins, these carry hefty wagering requirements, Open any slot and play the minimum spin size, play until you lose all of the money in your account or complete the wagering requirements on the bonus funds. Withdraw any remaining balance.
BGO - £10 Cashback
Deposit at least £15. Play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance. DONT ACCEPT the welcome bonus from BGO.
Lottosocial - Cashback £4
Sign up to Lotto Social - Use your correct phone number when joining as it is the only way to login to your account. Purchase 10 lines for £1, after making a purchase go to your account page and find the list of syndicates your are in, leave the syndicates to avoid making any more payments.
Cheeky Bingo - £10 Cashback
Deposit £10 and get a £40 welcome bonus, just play bingo with all of your funds and hope to get some wins, bonus has 4x wagering requirements.

Quidco - Cashback £100+

Quidco don't offer a sign up bonus, find my ref link at the top of the post if you want to help me out!
All of the offers on quidco are much the same as topcashback, the only offer worth noting is the betfair casino offer which pays £100
Betfair - £100 cashback
Add £100 and play 100 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.

Cashbackearners - Cashback £180+

Sign up Bonus
Get a £6.5 sign up bonus, think this works with or without the ref link, links are at the top of the post!
To find these offers just search for casino on the site.
All of these offers state that you only need to make a deposit, its best to play through the deposit 1x to ensure that the cashback is paid.
LuckyMeSlots - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 single £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Spin Genie - Cashback £12.5
Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Cashmo - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Ice36 -Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Spinhill Casino - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Galacasino - Cashback £30
add £30 and play 30 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Casino765 - Cashback £12.5
Add £12.5 and play 12.5 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
Casinosuperwins - Not recommended, bad site, awful support
Casino2020 - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play through £15 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Pocketwin - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
The Sun Vegas - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
DrSlot - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
MrSpin - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
PrimeCasino - Cashback £15
Add £15 and play 15 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
ConquestAdor - Cashback £10
Add £10 play 10 £1 hands on blackjack following the strategy outlined at the top of the post, withdraw any remaining balance.
MFortune - Cashback £10
Add £10 and play through £10 on any slot staking the minimum amount per spin. Keep track of spins and quit the slot after wagering the required amount. Don't spin the wheel that pops up after signing up or accept any other bonuses.
Thanks for reading, hope this of use to some people, happy earning!

Up to £244.55 profit in cashback through gambling offers with TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh
TopCashback, Quidco and OhMyDosh always have a number of gambling offers available, with the offered amounts often changing daily or weekly. There are currently quite a few offers available on each where the cashback amount is more than the required deposit or wager amount. I've done most of these and always keep an eye out for when the amounts increase, to make sure I can get the most for my money. The offers they have on today are some of the best I've ever seen for each of them.
The first step is to sign up for the cashback sites if you haven't already. If you use a referral link to sign up then you can get an extra bonus once your cashback becomes payable:

• TopCashback referral link (£5 bonus / non-ref link (no bonus)
• Quidco referral link (£5 bonus) / non-ref link (no bonus)
• OhMyDosh referral link (£2 bonus) / non-ref link (no bonus)

Then the next step is to work through the offers. These are all only available for new customers, so if you already have an account with one of the sites then you won't be eligible for the offer from them unfortunately. It's also worth checking the terms as some have specific wagering requirements, for example Betfair Poker must be completed within 3 days of opening your account and low risk roulette bets (covering 25 or more of the 37 outcomes) are excluded from counting towards the wager.
Offers

#	Site	From	Cashback	Deposit/Wager	Profit
1	Betfair Poker	Quidco	£50	£10	£40
2	Pokerstars	TCB	£45	£25/£10	£35
3	Coral Casino	TCB	£42	£10	£32
4	Ladbrokes Casino	TCB	£42	£10	£32
5	William Hill Casino	TCB / Quidco	£54	£25	£29
6	Paddy Power Games	TCB / Quidco	£20	£10	£10
7	Lottoland	TCB	£20	£10.01	£9.99
8	Lottomart	TCB	£18	£10	£8
9	Foxy Bingo	OMD	£5	£12.50	£7.50
10	Gala Bingo	OMD	£5	£12.50	£7.50
11	Tombola	Quidco	£17.32	£10	£7.32
12	BingoPort	TCB	£3	-	£3
13	LottoGo	OMD	£4.50	£2	£2.50
14	Free Slots Genie	OMD	£1.25	-	£1.25
15	Profit Accumulator	TCB	£1.05	-	£1.05
16	The Best Free Spins	OMD	£1	-	£1
17	Free Spins Wizard	OMD	£1	-	£1
18	Pick My Postcode	TCB	£0.82	-	£0.82
19	Search Lotto	TCB	£0.82	-	0.82
20	Free Spins Loopy	OMD	£0.80	-	£0.80
21	Mr Free Slots	OMD	£0.80	-	£0.80
22	Lotto Social	TCB	£0.60	-	£0.60
23	FreeBingoGenie	OMD	£0.60	-	£0.60
24	Cheeky Bingo	OMD	£10	£10	-
25	bgo	OMD	£10	£10	-

Notes
If you complete all these offers then you should make £232.55 cashback in profit through the offers alone. If you are new to the cashback sites and sign up through referral links then this will be £244.55 instead. There's also a chance you can make a profit on any or all the offers and walk away with even more.
There's also a final few key points:

• Make sure you have all adblockers and tracking protection switched off as otherwise this may lead to issues with the cashback tracking correctly.
• I've listed the highest paying in terms of deposit/wager to cashback offers here, but if you have a preference for one cashback site over the other then they often offer very similar amounts if you'd rather go with the other instead.
• Similarly, some sites (OhMyDosh in particular) offer a lower cashback amount but also a lower deposit/wager amount, which may be more appealing to some.
• I don't like to say the cashback is guaranteed as all the cashback sites say it never is, but I've never had an issue with any of these sites, whether through gambling or other offers.
• Please be aware that these all these offers all are gambling, so I'd highly recommend depositing and wagering only the mimimum amount required to get the cashback, then withdrawing any profit you may have made.
• Please Be Gamble Aware when using these sites.

Let me know if you have any questions about any of these offers :)

"Probe and vaporize?" "No, abduct and bring back to the mothership." "My way's more fun." "'Abduct'. Not 'Vaporize.'" "Okay, but humanity ain't gonna annihilate itself. All I'm sayin'."
A species that lacked genitalia and so reproduced purely through cloning, the Furon DNA was becoming corrupted after millennia of using and remixing the same samples. Fortunately, through some of their ancestors being frisky with the inhabitants of Earth, hidden within their brain stems was pure, undamaged Furon DNA. Crypto-136 was sent to the planet to collect some and send it back to his home planet. He was promptly shot down, captured, tortured, had information extracted from him, killed, and dissected. So Crypto-137 (and his supervisor, Pox) was sent to finish the job, being far more successful and managing to take over the United States of America by posing as its president. Over the next two decades, Crypto would continue to send a healthy amount of DNA to his homeworld, protecting his business from enemy alien species, genocidal French environmentalists, and a Colonel Sanders knockoff, every so often setting out once again to Destroy All Humans!

Legend

It should be noted that Crypto-137 is the playable character in Destroy All Humans, while Crypto-138 is played in the sequel and Big Willy Unleashed and Crypto-139 is the protagonist of Path of the Furon, both after their predecessor died between games. That being said, as they are exact clones of each other (the sole exception being 138 has genitalia), their feats are applicable for all versions.
Unmarked - Destroy All Humans! (2020 Remake) 2 - Destroy All Humans! 2 BWU - Destroy All Humans! Big Willy Unleashed PotF - Destroy All Humans! Path of the Furon

Physicals

• Punched in the face by an army commander, knocking him back
• Stabbed with a fish^PotF
• Hit by the Temporal Fist technique by an older, more experienced furon (attacking him a large amount of times in frozen time) before getting sent into a pillar with a final punch^PotF
• Crashes in his saucer after its power is knocked out by a Tesla coil, being knocked out but surviving otherwise unharmed
• In gameplay can catch a rocket before it hits him
• Runs away after a nearby tank fired before the ground by him explodes^PotF

Shield

Crypto is almost always protected by an energy shield which depletes when damage is dealt, and automatically regenerates after a period of being unharmed. With an upgrade the shield is briefly invulnerable after taking damage. While the shield is down, Crypto can be killed by practically any attack.

• Can block a blow from an enormous robotic squid's tentacle^PotF
• Blocks bullets and shotgun blasts
• Blocks bullets from an anti-aircraft gun
• Protects from a stomp which tears up the ground in a large circle around a mech, also covering the ground with flames
• Blocks tank shots^PotF
• Is mostly (but not fully) depleted from an explosion during a compulsory tutorial. A building, the front of which is a similar distance to the bomb as Crypto is, is leveled by the blast²
• Takes only a slight amount of damage from his Ion Blaster
• Can take blasts from a Nexosporidium warriors^PotF
  • One such blast can seemingly vaporize a human^PotF
• Blocks a stream of flame^PotF
• Protects against germs

PK

Crypto has potent psychic abilities which manifest in a number of ways.

Telekinesis

• Bends a tv aerial
• Catches a rocket before it hits him and throws it back
• Seems to get money out of an ATM before yanking it free and carrying it^PotF
• Lifts and throws large rocks
• Lifts and throws a generator^PotF
• Lifts and throws cows a great distance
• Easily moves around cars^PotF and vans^PotF
• With slight delay on picking it up, carries and throws a 50s era fighter plane
• With slight delay on picking it up, carries and throws a tank
  • A better shot of how far it can be thrown
• Throws a man into stone statues, obliterating them^PotF
• With an upgrade, can throw a small object with the same strength as if he was throwing something massive
• Can magnetize people and objects towards what he's holding^PotF
• Seems to restrain a person being lifted^PotF

Machine Influencing

• Activates a keypad
• Makes a crane drop its load
• Causes an EMP mine to explode
• Turns off a generator
• Influences a control panel to turn off the energy cage he's in
• Sabotages a saucer, causing it to break shortly after taking to the air

Mind Reading / Suggestion

• With a cortex scan, can read the mind of a person without them noticing
  • Also works on animals
• Makes a person dance to cause a distraction
• Compels people to dance with Free Love, making them forget any alien occurrences they just witnessed²
  • Using this on one person causes everyone in the surrounding area to also dance²
  • Has a Disco Fever variant in the seventies^PotF
• Can implant suggestions in people, such as making them follow him or whoever he's disguised as
  • These followers will protect Crypto in a fight if they're armed
  • After implanting a suggestion in a person to follow him to his saucer, it ends abruptly and they become aware of their situation as soon as they're standing under it
• Has a soldier open a gate for him
• Makes a man drive a truck carrying an atomic bomb to an air force base
• Causes people to forget what they just saw
  • Through making them forget, can stop a person from following him

Holobob

• Copies the appearance of a person, making them frozen and invisible while the disguise is up. It gradually loses power over time, needing Crypto to cortex scan people to replenish it
  • The fading of the disguise is a representation to the player of it losing power, while surrounding humans don't notice anything wrong
  • The disguise breaks when Crypto commits an offensive psychic action, causing people to see him as an alien threat. If Crypto hides for a short while, he can continue using the same Holobob without issue
• Can convincingly portray people, as shown with him acting as a town's mayor at a speech with none of them noticing an issue
  • Portrays the President of the United States in a televised address without anyone seeing an issue

Body Snatch

• Allows Crypto to jump into the body of a person, controlling them. He can come out of the body without issue when he wishes to leave it²
• While possessing a body, it slowly loses energy with the body dying once this bar depletes. Energy can be replenished by cortex scanning people^PotF
  • Energy is also lost through the body taking damage²
  • When the body dies, Crypto is ejected without injury²
• Body snatches animals such as a cow^BWU and a chicken^BWU
• Body snatches another furon^PotF
• Crypto can perform other PK abilities while bodysnatching someone²
• Can body snatch while both him and his target is wearing a helmet on the moon²
• Body snatches from a distance without the person noticing, though it could be down purely to how people in Big Willy Unleashed are notably unresponsive to anything happening around them^BWU
• Body snatching a drunk person makes Crypto drunk while possessing them^PotF
• His voice does not change while body snatching someone. This does not make anyone he talks to think anything's weird, as he can talk to a KGB agent while possessing another KGB agent without issue being raised²
  • Portrays a mob godfather without anyone thinking anything's wrong^PotF

Transmog

• Transmutes an item into ammunition for his weapons by breaking objects down to their most basic components and reforming them
• Works on both small objects, like a kid's cart, and large objects, like a car
• Transmogs a large armoured vehicle²
• Can be used as a means of destroying vehicles²

Brain Extract

• Blows up a person's head, easily allowing Crypto to collect a person's brain stem
• Also works on corpses
• Can be transmitted to multiple targets when a person's head explodes
• Humans in the final stages of this attack their allies

Mind Flash

• Completely stuns every human in the world² for a short time, as shown here, though some humans are more resistant than others. This ability is replenished through collecting brain stems²

Time Stop

• Can stop time for a period with Crypto (or whoever he's body snatching) being able to freely move about in the meantime^PotF
• With the Temporal Fist technique can use his telekinesis in stopped time, with thrown objects flying in the fired direction when time resumes^PotF
  • Throws a projectile spat at him at high speeds back at his attacker like this^PotF
  • As objects put in the air remain there, Crypto can place and jump on platforms to reach high areas^PotF
• Fires his Ion Detonator, with the blasts exploding when time resumes^PotF

Other

• Seems to knock a man out by hitting him with psychic energy
• Makes an explosive barrel explode
• Makes a large radioactive hay bale explode
• Appears to teleport in from somewhere, though exactly how or from where is unknown^PotF

Weapons

Zap-O-Matic

• Shoots streams of electricity to shock and kill enemies
• Can chain between enemies
  • While the damage usually decreases with each enemy it links to, an upgrade has the power increase instead
• Destroys slot machines^PotF
• Obliterates a poker table with a short blast^PotF
• Blows up a 70s car with a sustained blast^PotF
• Destroys the bars of a cage he's trapped in^BWU
• Knocks a man out with a brief shock^PotF
• Is collapsible²
• By shocking them, activates and powers petrol-fueled generators^PotF

Anal Probe

• Shoots a beam which goes up the target's ass, damaging both their behind and their head until their head explodes, allowing Crypto to extract their brain stem
  • Can fire multiple of these probes
• Are heat seeking and burst fire in Path of the Furon,^PotF capable of firing multiple rounds at a single person or shooting at multiple people at once^PotF
• Disinfects humans of a spore which mutates them into a creature without killing them²

Disintegrator Ray

• Destroys slot machines^PotF
• Disintegrates people^BWU
• Disintegrates cows in two shots
• Sets targets ablaze with repeat shots
• Blows up large metal boxes
• Can be upgraded to be rapid fire and to shoot up to three blasts at the same time
• Shoots balls of fire
  • In Path of the Furon, they instead shoot ultra-hot antimatter slugs^PotF

Ion Detonator

• Shoots balls which explode in a large field of energy after a certain amount of time has elapsed, or on command
• The blast disintegrates people
• Can pull objects and enemies towards the projectile before it explodes
• An upgrade gives it a high chance of transmogging objects and vehicles it destroys
• With an upgrade, time slows for a short while after a blast explodes, with this ending early if Crypto attacks again. It's unknown if this is genuinely time slowing or if it's just Crypto's perception of time, though the description implies the former

Dislocator

• Doesn't deal damage, but sends whatever it hits moving about at notable speed, including heavily armoured vehicles²
• Easily moves a double decker bus²

Meteor Strike

• Locks onto a spot and calls down a meteor to strike it²
• Can destroy buildings²
• With an upgrade, calls down three meteors plus a small planetoid²

Gastro Gun

• A janitor and cook from Crypto's mothership, like Pox he downloaded his consciousness into a floating hologram unit outfitted with weapons. It shoots powerful energy blasts before self-destructing on running out of energy²

Burrow Beast

• Fires a ball of bait which can me moved about through telekinesis, luring out a large worm-like creature to burrow along the ground, erupting out to eat people²

Ball Lightning

• Shoots a floating ball of electricity which zaps all nearby enemies^BWU
• Can charge the Big Willy mech^BWU

Zombie Gun

• Turns enemies into zombies^BWU

Shrink Ray

• Fires blasts which shrink what they hit, be them enemies or objects^BWU

Superballer

• Shoots a ball which streams a rainbow behind it, homing in on enemies as it bounces around^PotF
• Carries enemies with it^PotF

Venus Human Trap

• Spawns a large, man-eating plant where it shoots^PotF
• Its vines can lift a police car^PotF
• Only one can be active at a time, lest they attack each other^PotF

Black Hole Gun

• Creates a miniature black hole where it shoots, sucking in nearby objects and obliterating them before disappearing shortly after. It is used to destroy to large, thick metal doors^PotF
• Destroys a generator^PotF

Other Gear

Jetpack

• Expands from his back, letting him fly up a distance before stopping to prevent the jetpack from disastrously overheating. While not propelling him up, allows him to glide and slow his descent
  • Can be improved to give him much greater flight time before needing to cool down and glide^PotF
• Lets Crypto dash forwards a short distance
  • Can deflect projectiles and send massive enemies flying
• Through the Supra Kinetic Antigrav Thrust Enhancer (S.K.A.T.E.), Crypto combines thrust from the jetpack with psychic energy around his feet to float around at high speed along solid and semi-solid surfaces

Holopox

• A floating holographic communicator Pox uses to communicate with Crypto, either remotely or due to him having downloaded his consciousness into it from Destroy All Humans 2 onwards
• Has a weapon that seemingly obliterates a furon^PotF
• Creates a hologram of a film projector, which then somehow projects a film onto a screen

Saucer

In Path of the Furon, after getting drunk and crashing his original flying saucer in his casino, Crypto was gifted a new one by Pox after getting back in action. Its capabilities are mostly the same, but unless that saucer or a composite saucer is specified while using Crypto feats marked PotF should be excluded.

Shield

Like Crypto, the saucer has a shield which protects it from damage and will be destroyed if hit when depleted. It also can be upgraded to be briefly invincible after taking a hit. Unlike Crypto's, the ship's shield doesn't automatically regenerate, instead needing to drain energy from vehicles to do so, whether they just be nearby or being held in its abduct-o-beam²

• In a cutscene, has an atomic bomb explode nearby it
  • Said bomb was labelled as being 10,000 MT
• Shot by tanks
• Can take direct hits from missiles and anti-aircraft guns

Repulse-O-Tron

• Emits an energy pulse from the saucer, destroying nearby missiles
• With an upgrade, can repel projectiles back to whoever fired them

Abduct-O-Beam

• Raises people into the air, being able to suck them into the saucer²
  • The new saucer can do this en-masse^PotF
• Carries and throws around cars and trucks
• Lifts and throws a tank
• Can transmog abducted vehicles, turning them into ammunition²
• Can be used while cloaked^BWU

Cloak

• Turns the Saucer invisible²
• Can instead disguise it as a blimp^BWU

Weapons

Object Destruction
These can be done by any attack in their respective games, either with an extended Death Ray (as shown in most of these) or some other accumulation of damage.

• Instantly destroys blimps²
• Destroys cars and anti-aircraft guns
• Destroys army trucks and tanks
  • Can make them flip high into the air on being destroyed
  • The upgraded Death Ray and other more powerful attacks can instantly destroy tanks^PotF
• Blows up a two storey building
• Levels a large building²
• Blows up a large diner
• Levels a warehouse^BWU
• Blows up a skyscraper with extended damage^PotF
• With a heavy amount of damage, causes the collapse of the Space Dust casino^PotF

Death Ray

• In a cutscene, obliterates a lighthouse with a brief blast
• With a large amount of damage destroys a giant building^PotF
• Can shoot directly down

Sonic Boom

• Shoots powerful blasts of sonic energy
• Sends a tank flying²
• Destroying a vehicle has that vehicle create a large shockwave, which in turn causes vehicles they destroy to make large shockwaves
• Blasts can be surrounded by a vortex which sucks in missiles and other projectiles, adding their damage to the boom's blast

Quantum Deconstructer

• Shoots a green blast of energy which expands on contact, dealing incredible damage and being able to instantly blow up buildings
• Objects and buildings destroyed by it have a chance of being transmogrified into ammo

Anti-Grav Field

• Creates a spot which has everything in the immediate area float and gravitate towards it²

Electro-Cone

• Creates a field of electricity around the saucer, striking targets below with bolts of electricity^BWU
• Quickly fries and destroys trucks^BWU

Seeker Drones

• Projectiles which lock onto potentially multiple targets, homing in on them when fired^PotF

Plasma Cannons

• Shoots rapid fire energy blasts^PotF

Tornadotron

• Creates a tornado that Crypto can control around, also being the only weapon he can use while cloaked^PotF

Other

• Gets zapped by a large Tesla coil, deactivating it and causing it to crash, but it still functions when Crypto re-obtains it
• Quickly flies from the upper atmosphere down to Earth
• Can slowly lower and raise Crypto to and from the ground
• Seems to restrain a person underneath it with energy around the limbs, also being able to flip them in the process
• Can blend the genes of abducted humans to improve the effects of the saucer and Crypto in various ways, such as letting him body snatch certain types of people faster²
• Has an experiment table inside of it^PotF
• Contains a Jump Probe, which greatly hurts anyone inside of it while seemingly rapidly aging them, used as a torture device to extract info
• Its fuel cells, if breached with explosives a few blocks away from the White House, could level the entire city
  • In Path of the Furon, the saucer runs on furon super go-go sludge or, in lieu of that, radioactive waste^PotF
• In Destroy All Humans! 2 and Path of the Furon, the saucer can only land at sites designated by statues to the old furon god after fulfilling their task^PotF

Big Willy

Big Willy is the fast food chain Pox set up to dispose of the corpses Crypto left behind while turning a profit on the side. Each of their 500 locations (or at least the three locations seen) have a giant statue of its mascot outside of it, which is actually a mech suit Crypto can pilot.

Physicals

• Jumps in to where Crypto is^BWU
• Makes a vehicle-moving shockwave on jumping^BWU
• Uproots and throws a tree^BWU
• Lifts and throws cars^BWU
• Picks up and throws a large stone pillar with it shattering on impact^BWU
• Picks up and throws tanks^BWU
  • A better view of the possible distance^BWU
• Has a thrown rock shatter on it^BWU
• Can be shot by a tank which immediately before leveled a warehouse in a single shot, with the tank's driver asking what the mech's made out of^BWU

Abilities

Regurg-A-Tron

• Sprays green liquid from the mouth, damaging anything in front of it^BWU

Heat Beams

• Shoots lasers from his eyes, which with extended blasts can level buildings^BWU

Wind Breaker

• Releases a burst of gas all around Big Willy, causing heavy damage^BWU

Other

• When Big Willy gets hit, it loses energy. It can also be deactivated for a time through an EMP blast^BWU
• Can be recharged through Crypto's electric weapons hitting a device which comes out of its back^BWU
  • Also recharges through consuming brains^BWU

Weaknesses

• Is notably weak to water, with it rapidly draining his shield and potentially killing him
  • Water acts as acid to furons
  • In Big Willy Unleashed, it instantly kills him on contact^BWU
  • He no longer takes any form of damage with water in Path of the Furon^PotF
• Electromagnetic pulse emitters can stop his equipment weapons and jetpack from working^BWU
• EMP mines deal damage and temporarily deactivate his weapons
• When some humans had their latent furon DNA activated, they could hurt Crypto with the equivalent of mental screaming

Other

• Has a vision augmentation that connects his weapons to his cerebral cortex, allowing him to lock onto enemies
  • Can easily switch his lock on between enemies
• Attaches a helmet to his suit to survive on the moon²
• In Big Willy Unleashed, whenever Crypto dies it's said his genetic material is quickly replicated and cloned, being able to continue the mission immediately. However, a new clone isn't canonically made until between Big Willy Unleashed, and this doesn't appear representative of the process in the rest of the games^BWU

"You two-bit tin horn petty tyrant! I fart bigger than you! You think just because you can keep a few depressed peasants in line you can go toe to toe with me? I'm the king of the world! The master of disaster! The baddest dude in the whole damn town! King Kong ain't got nothing on me!"

-Golden Matrix, a B2B gaming and sports betting software platform provider with a turn key solution to all customer needs for successfully operating and maintaining an online gaming/sports betting website.
-Golden Matrix has recently filed an application for a Nasdaq Capital Markets Uplist with approval pending.
-Golden Matrix and Playtech announced a collaboration agreement that has just kicked off this month including GMGI's all new Esports & Peer2P apps.
-Golden Matrix reached an agreement with Amelco Gaming to distribute Amelco's leading international sports betting software white labeled in the APAC Region.
-Knutsson Holdings Invests $5M with GMGI purchasing 1 Million shares at $5.00 each.
What is Golden Matrix?
Golden Matrix Group GMGI is a very unique part of the online gambling industry that doesn't get much recognition compared to the actual sports betting companies and casinos, such as Draftkings DKNG or BetMGM. Draftkings for an example is a front-end operator Business to Consumer (B2C), they are what the consumer sees on the app. Where on the other hand, GMGI is the back-end white labeled software platform, Business to Business (B2B). GMGI has everything provided to convert a land based brick and mortar casino to an online casino, including everything from data analytics, games, game management, payment gateways, currencies, languages, 24/7 tech support and more. So what I'm trying to say is Golden Matrix has everything required to setup an online casino or sports betting application. With what's going on in the world today, an online presence is a must. So this is how GMGI and GAN type companies differ from the rest of the online gaming world, as their work is mainly behind the curtains, but are needed in order to run an online casino or sport betting platform.
Seeing Golden Matrix is not a front-end B2C retail casino, they do not have to pay hundreds of thousands or even millions to advertise. As a matter of fact they don't have to pay anything, which in turn keeps the operating expenses nice and low. They make their money by setting up operators at no cost and make their money licensing the front-end casinos, usage, and providing services. It's much more low key, and they don't have to be the bank like all the front end companies such as Draftkings, BetMGM, Bet365, etc...
Continuous Revenue Growth
Here's a brief summary on Golden Matrix's more recent growth. Just since last January (2020) they have grown their operators (Casinos) from 150 to 457 of them today, a 205% Increase, and Registered End Users from 1.5M to 3.9M today, a 160% Increase in the same time frame. Those numbers to me show solid company growth, and the quarterly financials reflected from this growth as Q1 Revenues were $882K, Q2 $1.04M, Q3 $1.49M, and Q4 is expected to exceed $1.7M as quoted by Golden Matrix. Those quarterlies show me that they have grown their revenues by nearly double in the year 2020. I'm expecting these revenues for last year will total approximately $5.1M+ and can do another easy double in 2021 if not more $10.2M+ On top of all this solid core growth GMGI has also been able to maintain profitability for the past nine consecutive quarters, while growing out their top end numbers. The gross profit last quarter (Q3) was 58% and the net income was only roughly $40K. In my opinion this is a good thing considering the competition GAN who trades in the Nasdaq, lost $4.1M during that same third quarter. Profit is profit, which is an complete rarity in this sector. I'm looking forward to seeing the Q4 numbers on or before the March 15th 2021 deadline.
Nasdaq Capital Markets
Golden Matrix filed an application to uplist onto the Nasdaq Capital Markets on August 27th 2020, and are still currently pending approval as it seems to be a very complicated and tedious task jumping all the way from OTC Pink Sheets to Nasdaq. Us GMGI long shareholders have seen many tasks from the company performed over the past 5+ months that come out in 8K filings, such as amending financial reports to Nasdaq formatting, and even creating a audit committee to meet qualifications just as of last week (01-26-21). As for now Golden Matrix is still a hidden gem as much of Wall Street doesn't know about GMGI or can't trade GMGI due to many buying restrictions. I think soon this will change and no longer be hidden with the arrival of up list.
Playtech and Golden Matrix Deals
Playtech and Golden Matrix went began a collaboration agreement around the end of November 2020 that is set to kickoff sometime this month (February). You can find this easily under recent GMGI news right on the company website. What the deal consists of is beneficial to both of them, as Golden Matrix newly designed and built a Esports betting app, Peer2P Betting Games, and a new Artificial Intelligence System (AI-X). Golden Matrix is letting Playtech PTEC.L use and distribute these applications and software exclusively to all of their new and future customers. Playtech is a market leader when it comes to gaming software and technology. Playtech granted non exclusive rights to distribute their most popular games including live dealer games, slots, table games, bingo, and poker to Golden Matrix's 450+ current operators throughout their APAC Region territories. This deal will be very beneficial for Golden Matrix as their foot print will reach the U.S. and European territories through Playtech, who is all over the world, and some states in the U.S. including very popular New Jersey. I expect we may see a significant increase in the top and bottom line growth for Golden Matrix through this significant collaboration deal.
Amelco Sports Betting Distribution Deal
One more recent larger deal was made with Amelco who's out of England U.K. and basically it gives Golden Matrix distribution rights of their premium sports betting software platform where they will offer it throughout their territories in the APAC Region to their 450+ Operators and future ones as well. I think this is a major deal because they will now become a stronger company by providing both Igaming and Sports Betting software vs just having igaming alone. I think this will not only attract more usage from the current 457+ operators and 3.9M end users, but will also have more future operators wanting to do new business with Golden Matrix being a dual distributor of both Igaming and Sports Betting. More customers equals more revenues, which is what we all want to see from any good growing company.
GMGI Obtained a European Gaming License
Golden Matrix recently acquired a Alderney Gaming License in which their CEO Brian Goodman sold to the company though another privately owned company that was holding this license. He sold this license at cost to Golden Matrix. From my understanding there's many benefits to owning this license, and it's not easy to obtain. Playtech their newly partner also holds this same gaming license, along with many other big name casinos. It seems as if GMGI will be expanding from just the APAC Region alone, and now into the European Region as well. Us shareholders didn't receive a lot info on the exact game plan, but it sounds like some expansion into the European Region. I'm looking forward to hearing more about their game plan hopefully in the near future. Europe is the largest gambling market in the whole world, and right under it is the Asia Pacific Region. Let's see what this European Alderney Gaming License has in store for us in the near future.
$5 Million Equity Investment
Just last week Golden Matrix announced they received a $5M equity investment from a strategic Swedish based gaming investor Knutsson Holdings AB. They purchased one million units which consists of 1M restricted shares at $5.00 USD each, and a warrant with a exercise price of $6.00 a share. They only can exercise the warrants once the GMGI share price exceeds $10 a share for a minimum of 10 consecutive trading days. This was all announced when we were trading around $5.50 a share and will only only dilute the outstanding share count from 21.7M shares to 22.7M shares (4.4%) which is minor. This deal brought me that much more confidence in GMGI, because not only did this investment firm valuate the company currently over $5 a share, but they know its worth more as they have been around the block dealing with gaming companies since 1963 (50+ years). They are also the largest shareholder of popular company NETENT who was recently acquired by Evolution Gaming, and are invested in many other gaming companies. Check them out. This deal puts GMGI outstanding shares to 22.7M with a super low share float that's under 12M shares and a low market cap around $116M USD while currently trading in the low $5 a share price range. Ask yourself this one question, if Knutsson Holdings doesn't even get to purchase their other 1M shares for $6M until the price exceeds $10 a share, don't you think they have good confidence GMGI will surpass this price in the near future? I very well believe so, as they have solid growth, and many new business deals into play for this Quarter (Q1) and beyond.
Possible Acquisitions On The Horizon
I personally have very high expectations for Golden Matrix this year including a up list approval onto the Nasdaq Capital Markets Exchange, major new revenue growth from the partnerships mentioned earlier, and of course building their core business stronger then ever. Also if you checkout all the last dozen press releases from the company, the CEO has mentioned several soon to be announced partnerships and possible synergistic acquisitions many times. Now with Golden Matrix sitting on a pile of cash on hand ($10M+) and staying profitable for the past nine consecutive quarters and counting, they could be in a great position to acquire something beneficial for the companies overall top and bottom line growth. I'm keeping my eyes peeled open short term to see what they do on their next move with $10M+ cash, no debt, and being cashflow positive, which is a rarity in this sector as most are bleeding millions of dollars in losses quarter after quarter! I believe with the current $116M Market Cap, 22.7M Outstanding shares, Low <12M share float and the anticipated future growth, this share price around $5.00 is undervalued and a true bargain BUY.
My Position
I hold a long position of GMGI here, and plan to continue holding for the next 3-5 years as the online gambling industry is expected to grow exponentially for quite some time with more and more legalization throughout the U.S. and many other locations. Online gambling will only continue to grow larger and larger yearly. Do some DD on GMGI and you may become a long shareholder like myself.
Note: All of the info provided above including financials can be found on the Golden Matrix website in the investors section.
WWW. GOLDENMATRIX .COM

Some words from u/eruwenn and I. Enjoy?
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  Chae’Sol stood at the centre of a large command deck, meticulously peeling the protective film from his new captain’s chair. The sensation of the slow but steady yielding of the film, the sweeping line following the contours of the seat in flowing curves; it was incredibly satisfying. Finally, with one last gentle pull, the last of his chair was uncovered and he stood back to admire his throne. Aside from the freshness of the seating itself, there were shiny new holo displays, touch sensors, and comms relays that were within easy reach of his seated fingertips. This ship would be the jewel in any fleet, a prototype Dreadnought made by the infamous Bardul of Shi’an. The Gowe Military faction had run into financial problems, and it had been left unpaid and unclaimed. What sorcery Kadir had used to find it, and purchase it, he did not know.
His comms unit beeped and Danyd’s voice came through. “Chae’S-” -He grumbled incoherently- “Captain, we’re ready to get underway.”
The Niham turned and sat back on his pristine chair, swinging his long legs over the armrest. “That was quick, Chief Engineer Ef’Yto”
Danyd grunted at the use of his title. “Aye, these Awakened are efficient bastards.” The Satryn looked around at the enormous engineering bay. The entirety of the Porkchop Express could comfortably sit inside, and two of them could likely squeeze in. “Plus, this thing has never been used; feels weird not having anything to work on. It’s state of the art, and I’m having to read the manuals on half the new systems.”
Chae’Sol laughed, looking around at the Awakened as they were preparing their workstations. “Yeah, this command deck is a little intimidating. Even the Niham Armada didn’t have ships like this. There are fifteen weapons stations here, what in Tulseria’s name were the Gowe planning to do with this thing?”
“No idea.” The chief engineer walked to the large seat in front of his new work terminal, and hopped up onto it. The protective covering squeaked. “This thing has more firepower than half their fleet, it must have been something big. We’re lucky Kadir found out about the graveyard of unclaimed ships from one of his contacts.”
The newly-minted captain swung his legs down and sat up, straightening his black uniform and white collar. “That’s another thing: how does he have so many contacts? I was in the Tulseria-damned military, and I had no idea they would sell us fighters and weapons.”
“I know the feeling.” Danyd watched a junior engineer – Lily, an Awakened who wore a headband in her silver hair that sported long Kittran ears on it – begin running diagnostics on the Hoban Field Generator. “I'm aware he got the automated weapons for the system port from my people, somehow. As for how he accomplishes all he does, I think his time working with that fancy Anatidae councillor opened more than a couple of doors for him.”
Chae’Sol stood, running his fingers through his perfect hair. “Doors, windows, rear entrances and damned secret portals, all leading to a dark realm of shady deals and supplies. We have an Imperium Capital Ship for Tulseria’s sake! Nobody knows where he got it, or where he’s now hidden it.” He looked at his holo display, noting the specks springing blinking into existence as the other ships of Federation origin came to life. “Let’s just be glad he’s on our side.”
The chief engineer tugged at the green collar to his uniform. “Our side used to be a damn sight smaller.” Lily had finished her diagnostic tests and sent the results to his console. Her report included an adjustment that would create a potential three percent increase in crystal efficiency, and a small drawing of a smiling leokit with a crim-bar. He groaned, then reported back with, “We’re ready to go when you are.”
The Niham strode confidently across the command deck, stopping to stand in front of the huge vid screen at the front of the room. All around him were his crew, made up mostly from the Ashi, Awakened, and Kasurians. “Let’s get this show started.”
 
 
Jaym sat with a bowl of Tony the leokas cereal in front of her. It wasn't just a catchy advertising slogan - it really was great. She and Elizabeth had worked together so much in the engineering section of the Porkchop Express that they had become close, often spending their free time together. Indeed, Elizabeth currently sat opposite her, carefully rebuilding a power coupling and occasionally tapping at her datapad. Shortly after the results of her most recent tap played out, Elizabeth paused her work on the power coupling. Without speaking, she held up her datapad so that Jaym could see.
On the screen was Tony and his mate Jolie, and Skeena’s voice could be heard excitedly talking about collecting urine samples from the female. Jaym screwed up her face at first until Skeena announced the pregnancy test was positive. Tony was going to be a father! She couldn't contain her joy and screamed loudly, grabbing the screen and running all the way to the bridge to show the others.
Ranjaz was stretched out across the captain’s chair as Jaym burst in, and didn’t open his eyes until she began shaking his leg. Even then he didn’t pay much attention. “I told you not to let Elizabeth play with any more systems till after the mission.”
She blushed slightly, as their last improvement had inverted their water treatment system and blown six power couplings. "It's not that!" she said, holding up the datapad and starting the video. "Look!"
At the first syllable of Skeena's voice, Ranjaz sat bolt upright. The video held his full attention, and when Tony's impending fatherhood was announced the Kittran's whoops of delight could be heard all through the Porkchop Express. He reached underneath his seat and retrieved a small, fluffy bed, then picked up Aiov. Ranjaz led his unusual dance partner in a quick spin of joy before replaying the GalacTube video for her. “You’re going to be an Aunty!”
Eruwenn leaned back in the large seat that had once been Embar’s. “I didn’t think they were related?”
The Kittran nodded. “Aiov is Tony’s sister. Aaron adopted them both, and that’s how human families work. They just keep adding members, like a Dular adding shells to its burrow. Family is family.”
Cygna pressed a few buttons on her Navigator terminal, moving the video to the main screen as well as starting it over. “I still can’t believe you keep one of these under your seat. I mean, it’s a leokas!”
Ranjaz held Aiov up and they briefly rubbed noses. “Just a little one!”
The Anatidae laughed. “I can see living with the human has had quite a profound effect on you.”
With one of his trademark grins he held Aiov out towards Eruwenn. “Wanna nose rub?”
"Ah," the councillor said, shrinking back from the offer, "despite her size she is still a predator, and I am not quite ready for such a close encounter.”
From the pilot seat Ripley stood, taking Aiov from Ranjaz. “She is not a toy.” She briefly snuggled the tiny leokit to her chest, then passed her to Jaym. “Take her for food and exercise; she must grow up strong.”
Jaym also cuddled the wriggling Aiov close, and not just because the little leokit was adorable. Aiov had tripled in size, and was becoming a bit of a handful. “Thor was preparing her food; I’ll take her down to him.”
Once the junior engineer had left, and Ripley returned to the pilot seat, Ranjaz began tapping on the console in front of him. “Looks like we’ll be free to take the shuttle down to the surface with the next group.”
Cygna drummed her fingers on the arms of her chair. “I didn’t realise it would be so busy.”
Ranjaz shrugged. “There was a quake on the fourth planet, so mining colonies are shut down while the nerds poke around. Along with that, we got three big freighters waiting for resupply. That’s a lot of bored folks looking to kill time.” Ripley grunted, prompting a chuckle from the Kittran. “You don’t approve of their choice of leisure activity?”
After their few cycles together Eruwenn was already learning a lot about her shipmates. Ripley, for instance, wasn’t one for talking. She decided to interject before the Captain irritated her too much, as they would need her focus soon enough. “Gambling and pleasure palaces are not to everyone's taste, of course, but these sorts of things are covered under local governance.”
Without skipping a beat Ranjaz replied, “I know that’s the official line, but you sure as shit have tax codes for all of it. If you want to look down on folks, don’t pretend you aren’t profiting from it.”
Cygna, ever defensive of her mentor, jumped in. “That’s a bold statement for someone who never paid a credit in tax until it was automatically deducted from his Galactic Federation pay.”
Ranjaz laughed, then continued, keeping his voice care-free. “Taxed on what? I never owned anything.”
Eruwenn could see the trap her junior was walking into but decided to let this be a learning experience. The Kittran was wily, and the Anatidae found him entertaining. Cygna, as she had predicted, scoffed at his claims. “I’ve read your file. When you were arrested you had a ship, five shuttles and thousands in valuable goods confiscated.”
“Exactly!” His eyes lit up as he cornered her. “It was confiscated because it was stolen, so I didn’t own it. Imagine a world where you can keep stolen goods if you pay tax on them. Even I think that’s crazy.”
The Fae’Dan paused, and the anger evaporated from her voice as she realized what he had said, replaced by a slightly impressed tone of surprise. “Well, maybe, but… Really? You stole all of it?”
Ranjaz shrugged. “Or won it. I’m pretty good at Dalcho.”
Cygna perked up. “I play Dalcho myself, we shou-”
“No,” Eruwenn interrupted. Some lessons were too expensive. “Do not play Dalcho with someone who can get free priority entry permits to a casino.”
The former operative shook her head. “I’m a great player, you’ve seen me in the council chambers. I took that Ley’Rulian trader for five hundred credits.”
The Anatidae smiled kindly. “And he had five shuttles when he was arrested.”
Cygna slowly turned from Eruwenn to Ranjaz, noticing his grin and the sparkle in his eye. It was most definitely the smile of a predator. He gave a little chuckle. “Don’t worry, it’s been a long time since I played. No gambling on Galactic Federation ships, you know.” He laughed again. “Oh wait, you read my file.”
The Fae’Dan nodded. “Perhaps we should focus on the mission.” She gave a slight bow to Eruwenn before returning her attention to her console.
Ranjaz looked at Eruwenn and stuck out his tongue. “Don’t ruin my fun!”
The Ambassador smiled. “I don’t play Dalcho, but there is a human game called chess I quite enjoy. Perhaps we could play sometime?”
The Kittran gave a nod. Keeping his voice neutral, he replied. “I don’t know that one, but there’s another human game we could try. Poker?”
"We have permission to dock at the holding ring and send down a shuttle," Ripley abruptly called out. "Let’s get this whatever it is and make the rendez-vous.”
Both of Ranjaz’s fangs showed as he grinned. “If we’re going to pull a job on Chisola Prime, first you’re going to need to look the part!”
 
 
Aaron walked down the corridor of the Hive ship, the strange spiderlike creature trailing behind him as he followed one of the corpse vines as it receded deeper into the ship. He turned and watched the creature, which shrank back from him and crouched low to the ground. “I’m sorry I kicked you. You simply startled me; you don’t have to hide.”
The lighting never changed in the endless corridors of the ship, and only the most uninteresting of doors deigned open for him. At this point, he had lost track of time completely. Through perseverance he’d made several important discoveries. The bulbous shapes in the flower vase room were seats; he was fairly certain of that after finding another room with bodies sitting in them. The vines that came for them were the ones he was now following, and by now he must have seen hundreds of dead Hive.
The second discovery was that the Hive came in a variety of shapes and sizes. There were two main ones, as far as he could tell, and the first were the four legged kind that had so kindly thrown him in the rejuvenating jelly bean. The second was bipedal, and looked a hell of a lot meaner. While the ones he deemed workers looked somewhat like ants to him, in shades of reds and browns, the second type looked much more commanding. Their carapace had thicker layers of armour in green, gold and red, and was spiked at the shoulders and joints. Even their legs had spines and to top the look off their heads were much more angular. Whether they were soldiers, commanders, or something else, he didn’t know. Through observation of the corpses he had discovered the most confusing feature yet: a strange section in the centre of their abdomen that was filled with what seemed to be a grey fluid.
Ahead of him, not skittering away like the rest, was an aphid that no longer emitted a pale green glow. Something whooshed overhead towards the slow and sluggish aphid, and Aaron instinctively threw himself to the ground before he realized what it was. "That's how you get kicked!” He stood up, brushing himself off. “Fuck, that scares the ever-loving shit out of me every fucking time.”
The huge creature looked up at him and whined as it munched on the sick aphid. He was probably imagining the apology in its eyes, but Aaron still shook his head. “I know, I know. It’s your job. They clean the floors, you keep their population healthy. Just stop leaping over me like that, fuck. I’m going to have a heart attack.” It whined and backed away from his angry words, and he tried to keep his voice to calmer tones. “Don’t be like that. I’ve told you enough times.”
When he looked down the corridor again, the retreating corpse vines had disappeared around a corner. Aaron began to jog after them, and after he'd put some distance in he heard the pattering footsteps of his terrifying shadow. He tried to pay it no mind. Once the vines were back in sight he slowed and followed behind them, singing his direction song quietly to himself. “Left, right, straight. Left, left, right. Straight, straight, left, left. Right, right, straight, right, right.”
The ship was massive and, other than some areas smelling funkier than others, there was no variation in lighting, decoration or layout. The song was his map back to the rejuvenation pod, which was his only safe source of hydration. His companion padded along behind him, a friendly nightmare to accompany him on his seemingly endless journey. “We really need to give you a name.” He wished he had his phone with him so he could channel all his nervous energy into making a video. “The audience demands a name. Plus, I won’t be able to sell merch without one.” He turned and looked at the creature. “I’ll probably have to create space-halloween first, or maybe I’ll get lucky and find that you’re cute to some species.”
Aaron returned to following the corpse vine, waving a hand high as he spoke, gesticulating to the heavens. “The name is what matters: a good name makes all the difference.” He began seriously pondering the naming matter. “Aragog, Shelob; you know, lean into your size for a characterization. But then again, that's not really going to make people like you.” He looked back over his shoulder as the unnamed beast trotted happily behind him. He assumed happy, at least. It now tended to make an odd gurgling noise after eating, and it roamed closer to him than before. “You know, I never got to name Sassie – she’s my dog. I told you about her yesterday, or the day before.” He really was losing track of the days he’d been here. “I got her from a rescue. She was skinny, and so damn angry, with scars on her legs and under her fur. I had to have special visits before I could keep her. Prove I was worthy.”
Talking helped take his mind from the gnawing emptiness in his stomach. Hydration and nutrients osmotically obtained from some weird pod were nowhere near as satisfying as a burger and a cold beer. “Her first visit, she had a rubber ball. It was her only possession, and she loved it.” There was a touch of pride in his voice. “Took me an hour before she gave it up to play. The lady from the rescue centre said I was the first.” He choked up, blinking back tears. “Anyway, couple more visits and she got to stay. Crazy dog was such a handful. She once tried to climb a tree to chase a squirrel. Got her legs over the first branch and just dangled, kicking her back legs.” He began chuckling to himself. “She once tried to jump through a car window; some guy was parked at the lights as we walked past.”
He was just chatting now, lost in his memories as he walked. “You know the type, loud radio, windows rolled down on a sunny day, annoying the shit out of everyone in the town. He tossed some litter out of his window and she just launched herself at him. Scared the life out of me at the time - funny as fuck now, of course.” He laughed again. “Then there were the swans. Man, were they not ready. She loved to swim – I told you that before – swimming and splashing was her favourite release. Well, that and chasing rabbits which is, kinda, how I ended up here. Anyway, she would just swim up and down, right past the ducks and stuff, somehow never interested in them. Then one summer these swans came along...” He paused, realising his new friend didn’t know what a duck or a swan was, or even summer, probably. Before attempting to explain, he realised they also didn’t understand english, so it really didn’t matter. “Anyway, swans being belligerent bastards, I called her out of the water straight away. Those mean white fuckers chased her all the way to shore.”
He turned around, now grinning broadly. “But, once her feet hit the ground in the shallow water and she was able to stand, did those sons of bitches turn and swim away as fast as they could.” He paused, trying to remember his original point. He really was very hungry. “Oh yeah, so trying to stop her fighting everything that moved meant I didn’t have time to teach her a new name. Figured it would be confusing to her. Sassie she was, and so Sassie she stayed.”
There was a tightening in his chest as he thought of her missing him. “Took a lot of years and a lot of time for her to get where she is now. I know Alexa will take care of her, but still, it’s my job, and I need to get back to doing it. She won’t understand…” He choked up completely, taking a moment to compose himself before clearing his throat and returning his monologue to its original course. “Anyway, names. Names matter.”
“Maybe you’re a girl monster. Charlotte?” He shook his head. That name just didn’t seem fitting. “We could call you Peter Parker? Although, you’re more of a man-sized spider than a spiderman... Parker Peter? Then again, big, scary spiders say one thing to me. Australia. You like to jump, we could call you Roo? Or, how about Ozzy? Or Bruce? Hmm, that’s a sharks name though… can you swim?”
His train of thought derailed suddenly as he saw an open door ahead of them through which the vines were receding. The pair of them continued walking behind the vine until it disappeared into the doorway and Aaron ran forward, pulling something from his pocket. He’d been saving the foil wrapping from the ration bricks, folding them together to form a wedge. He jammed his makeshift door stop under the bottom corner of the door as it began to slide shut. It ground to a halt. “Boom! Told you it would work.”
He stood and finally looked into the vastness beyond. Through the doors was, somehow, a rolling meadow, complete with trees, giant mushrooms and plants he had no name for. Vines were also everywhere, receding further across the great wilderness. “What the hell? I thought I was on a spaceship? Am I underground?”
Staring intently at the sky, he stepped onto the deep moss beyond the door. He looked at the wall around the interior and saw it was rock, and more plant life clung to every crack and crevice. As he walked slowly forward his eyes followed the vine as it headed for a large, colourful, monolith. He approached and saw that its shape was similar to the vase flowers. He watched as the corpse vines deposited their cargo on top of the monolith. Not on, he corrected himself;they were dropping inside.
He looked back to the door, nervous that it might close and lock him in. A large black shadow lurked just beyond the door, and he was torn. Should he explore this 'outside' world, or retreat to the place where he at least had the rejuvenation pods? He looked up at the sky, basking in the warm and invigorating embrace of the sunlight. He blinked at the brightness, being cautious to not look at the sun directly, and something else suddenly caught his eye. It was, incredibly, a door. A door that floated in the sky.
The thing about human eyes is that they might be easily fooled, but a shift in perspective can easily change what you see to something entirely different. Aaron was looking up at a ceiling, like the one in the Atrium back on the Azrimad, but a hundred times more convincing.
Once back inside the doorway he watched the spiderling he was beginning to think of it as a friend dancing back and forth a short distance away. It seemed… happy. “Ok buddy, I’m back.” Aaron’s stomach made a loud gurgling sound and he rubbed it, trying to squeeze the hunger away. Fingers found muscle easier than usual, and he knew he was definitely losing weight. “We should head back. I need sleep.” He thought for a moment and made a final decision, bending down to pull the foil wedge clear. “I doubt there’s a communicator or command deck in there. Let’s go home, Ozzy.”
The trip back was uneventful, Aaron sang his direction song as they navigated the labyrinth. A few more aphids were snacked on by his leggy companion, but his own legs were heavy by the time he was almost back to the jelly beans. Despite being exhausted he had made two stops to create another pair of flower vases for the aphids, as well as scattering a ration brick as he passed by. The aphids waited, as they always did, till he and Ozzy were far enough away before enjoying his bounty. Still, the human derived satisfaction from their presence.
Exhausted and weary, Aaron was glad to finally make it back to the room he was reluctantly calling his temporary home. As the door to the rejuvenation pod slid open he was met, forcefully, by the barrel of an energy rifle. Unfortunately for Aaron, due to a considerable height difference, the barrel had struck him squarely in the groin, and he instantly fell to his knees. He came face to face with his attacker with tears in his eyes, clutching his tenderness and coughing. From the other being came incomprehensible yelling, as well as a lot of gun waving. Also, there was coughing.
Aaron, eventually mustering enough self-presence to do something other than deal with the after effects of the gun-to-groin encounter, wiped the moisture from his eyes and tried to butt in to the one-sided conversation. "Relax! I'm the one who just got snookered in the fucking balls, here! Why in the world are you so mad?"”
The gun was pressed to his forehead by the tiny attacker, who shouted something unintelligible with their black eyes focused on him. They paused to cough, then stepped back, glaring at Aaron until they seemed to feel comfortable enough with the situation to take one hand off of their weapon and pull out a datapad. They held it up, and Aaron frowned at the familiar but still unintelligible colours that swirled on the screen. Then a small vent at the bottom of the device squirted out a puff of sickly sweet scent.
Aaron pulled back from the odour. "What the fuck was that?"
With some distance between them, the human finally got a good look at his opponent. They were barely waist-height, furry, with a long nose and dark banding across their brown fur. The banding was heaviest across their eyes and although that’s where the similarities ended, it was enough for the human’s brain to forge a connection. “Listen, Rocket, there’s a virus on this ship. You need to get in the jelly bean. Trust me.”
The rifle was thrust at him shakily in one hand, the tablet again was raised and a swirl of colours and shapes greeted him. “I don’t speak fucking winamp plugin!” On the wall behind his captor Aaron spotted a dull orange aphid, struggling to climb the wall. He smiled as he slowly leaned to one side. “Have you met Ozzy?”
The huge arachnid leapt over them both, causing the newcomer to blindfire at the wall. Aaron seized his chance and snatched away the weapon. He grabbed the newcomer by the front of their armoured uniform and slammed them to the ground. They cried out in pain and began their incomprehensible yelling once more. The accompanying coughing fit was bad, and Aaron dragged them to their feet. Realising that his solitude had caused him to revert to English, he switched back to galactic standard to offer a warning about the disease. “You’re going to die!”
A shocked look crossed their face as the human effortlessly lifted them and slam dunked them into a blue jelly bean. Ozzy gurgled happily through his aphid crunching. Aaron snatched up the energy rifle, but found it was difficult to hold due to its small size. He leaned over the jelly bean, noting the occupant drifting off to sleep.
Hunger and tiredness were forgotten as adrenaline flooded his system. There was no way the newcomer was alone. He left the pod room to begin searching, and Ozzy seemed to pick up on his intention and followed behind, keeping close to the human. “Good boy!” He had no idea what prompted it, likely some automated response, and it was as though he watched his movements from outside of his body as he reached back and gently scratched the arachnid's head. He was rewarded with happy gurgles, or at least that's what he hoped the noises were. “You did good back there.”
He made his way along the corridor towards the same airlock he had once chosen as his final exit. His recent suspicion proved correct as he heard a strange sound up ahead, as if someone was running a wet finger around the rim of a glass. He carefully leaned around the curve and saw another figure, dressed in the same uniform as the first. No fur on this one, although they were equally small in size, and they somehow looked like they were made of glass which couldn’t decide on a colour.
This time he remembered to use galactic standard. “Keep your hands where we can see you. We’ve got you surrounded!” The figure was clearly startled, as the ambient resonating noise began varying wildly in pitch at the same moment as their colour shifted to a solid blue. Aaron cursed. He didn’t have a translator, having instead opted for learning standard and winging everything else. The whole federation knew standard, so he hadn’t truly considered getting the implant. “Something is wrong with our translators,” he continued to bluff. “Do you speak galactic standard?”
A datapad was hastily pulled from a pocket, and as buttons were pressed the resonating sound became more rhythmic. From the datapad sprung noises. No, it was a voice! “Why do you speak Procyon? Where is Commander Bertolannixostraphes?
Aaron began relaxing at the situation he found himself in, but inside he was brimming with joy. Finally, he could talk with someone! “There is a virus on this ship, and many are dead. If your commander is the raccoon-looking guy, I got them into a healing pod. They’re going to be fine.” Under his breath he added, “probably.”
The resonating began and shortly afterwards the voice translated, “Who are you? Why did you not answer our communications.”
Opting for honesty in the hopes of leniency, Aaron stepped into view. “I’m a passenger. I don’t have access to the ship's systems.” The newcomer was looking at the tiny gun, so the human tossed it forward. “I didn’t know if you were friendly. I can take you to your friend, and you should probably get treatment as well.”
The now-orange alien walked forward, their movement accompanied by the strange sound of ceramic plates rubbing together. “That won’t be a problem, we Tricinic do not catch meat diseases. I am Tsy'lo, take me to the commander.” They turned to look behind them. “Where are the others?”
Aaron pointed to Ozzy. “It’s just us two.”
Colours swirled and the small glass person thrummed. The datapad spoke, “You are the last human, the Ambassador. Correct?”
Turning and gesturing to be followed, he began to lead the way to the rejuvenation room. “I am the first human, Ambassador Aaron Cooper, professional bounty hunter. Just call me Aaron. Are you the rescue party? Is Alexa here? Did she bring Sassie?”
It took a moment for the translation to come back. “I don’t know those names. We are the Special Tactics and Rescue Squad and we responded to distress calls and found this ship. Adrift.” They had walked a little way when Tsy'lo stopped and regarded Ozzy, who was still faithfully following behind. “Why does the achalo follow you?”
“Ozzy?” Aaron shrugged. “I think he was lonely. So, were you sent into Hive space to find me, or are you on some top secret mission? You aren’t with the Sentinels, are you?”
“Lonely? But it is an achalo.” Tsy'lo was confused and their colour visibly swirled. “Why would a rescue mission be secret? And, we weren’t sent, we were already here.”
Now it was the human who was confused. “Like spies behind enemy lines? Is that why you are in Hive space?”
The Tricinic hummed at a higher frequency. “It is our space. We are the Hive!”
 
 
Admiral Pelar of the third fleet stood in the centre of the training mat. On the floor around her were four tough looking Ashi, while a fifth was now squaring off against her. She blocked the jab and the surprise knee strike that followed, turning effortlessly to bring her elbow to her opponents ribs. With another deft turn she was behind him and kicking his knees forward. He tried to roll clear but she had anticipated the move and, as he rose, her spinning boot struck the side of his head.
“Nice try gentlemen.” She walked away and caught a towel thrown by the drill instructor. “That last one has potential,” she said, and the drill instructor nodded. “Next time, I expect at least one of them to land a hit. If not, I’ll have you in the ring instead, to make sure you still have what it takes.” She saw the fear in his eyes. “I accept nothing but the best from the Third Fleet.”
The medics ran onto the mat as she dabbed at her forehead, and she spotted Jar’Bek sitting on a bench nearby. She walked over to him and he stood, straightening what was no doubt an extremely expensive suit. “From one disappointment to another.”
The lawyer smiled. “Imagine only seeing your son when he is paid to be in your presence,” he countered.
She smirked. “Your tongue is still your most deadly weapon.”
He nodded. “Ah, but it must make you proud to see me make use of the things you taught me.”
Her face twitched. “I taught you to be a true Ashi, a soldier. I taught you to respect-”
Jar’Bek held up his hand. “I’m here on my client’s business, not yours. And, as I am paid a considerable sum per gal, let us not waste their money on matters that are concluded.” He enjoyed the irritation on her face. “I am here to finalise the amnesty treaties, and conclude your membership as citizens of Earth.”
The Admiral held up her hands, looking down at her combat training clothing. “I must shower and change first. Please, wait for me in my private office.” She smiled politely.
“No.” His smile seemed to hover as if it was a mask that could slip at any time. “You may have disowned me, but I still remember your tricks. You knew the time of our meeting; you had me brought here so you could intimidate me with this display of aggression. Then you ask me to wait in your office amongst your memorabilia and trophies.” He watched the anger behind her eyes. “You really think these tired old tricks will work on me?”
She sneered. “At least you remember something.”
“Oh, I had the scars removed, but I kept the lessons.” He walked away. “My client's time is valuable and I have scheduled a meeting with the other fleet Admiral’s for later this cycle. Since we have no time for your games, let us go to the briefing room. My team is already set up. If you wish to shower, know that it is more of your negotiating time you are wasting, and I do so hate waste.” He collected his briefcase and walked out of the room.
Captain Loring hurried after Jar’Bek, catching him as he entered the elevator. “You sure you want to antagonise the Admiral like that?”
He leaned back against the wall of the elevator and relaxed, letting out a small sigh. “A little negotiating trick a Kittran taught me. Anyway, she is no longer my Admiral.”
Elora’Tan leaned back on the opposite wall. “She is your mother, Jar.”
“Ha.” Jar’Bek laughed. “She disowned me. This is the first contact we’ve had in I forget how many celes. Her first thought is to try and intimidate me with that display. She likes to beat on cadets, she likes to cause pain, and she wanted me to watch.”
Loring gave a weak smile. “It forges strong soldiers. We can’t afford weakness.”
The elevator stopped and Jar’Bek took a step closer to Elora’Tan. “You think it was weakness that made me leave?” He didn’t let her answer, turning and exiting into the hallway. His voice now resonated with authority as he growled, “In case you people have forgotten, the Ashi will operate under the same rules as the rest of the colony. My mother is not the law... I am the law.”
 
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