As I mentioned before, in Vegas you see slots already in the airport. While we were waiting for our luggage, people already sat at the gambling machines. I, myself, wanted to try slots in a better atmosphere than an LED-lit airport. Anyways, it seemed funny to play games on a big touch screen and I made sure that Vegas is a gambling paradise. We, though, put only so much money in the slots to get the free drinks.
After a few hours, I was already walking through the Vegas strip. It was interesting to observe the gigantic hotels, countless lights from slots, cozy Americans and the bewitched tourists that all were just thinking of how to faster spend all of their saved up money in the slots.
It was surprising just how many people were heading every night exactly to Caesar’s Palace. Well, it wasn’t a surprise, considering that this hotel was enormous, the casino space was even more enormous, but even all of that was topped by the shopping mall, which, of course, was also full of slots. There were 16 restaurants in the same hotel space. And have I mentioned that the second-largest nightclub in the world Omnia nightclub Las Vegas, was also located here? While I and Dāvis were walking around the hotel we got lost a few times and it was very complicated to talk of a place to meet.
The New Year’s party for us continued for two days and two nights. We met the most real American party groups as well as girls with whom we spent together nights. Unfortunately, the fast pace of Vegas meant that all of those people already packed their bags and left by 2 January. But my friend and I wanted to relax a little bit after all of the partying.
In the following days, we went to the Grand Canyon with a helicopter. We ordered a helicopter tour, which started in Vegas, flew to the Grand Canyon and flew back to Vegas. This tour made us feel a bit like celebrities, considering that a limo drives you from hotel to the helicopter and then you take off and fly over the whole Las Vegas. The helicopter landed next to the Grand Canyon. We also got to enjoy a glass of champagne and some snacks, which was offered by the tour. The canyon has been created by washing the Colorado River through granite rocks for thousands of years, leaving a unique and glorious memory of the wonders nature can bring. While flying over the I couldn’t take my eyes off of this amazing beauty. By the way, the Grand Canyon is almost the size of Latvia. Truly worth seeing, if you happen to be in Vegas and want to experience something exclusive with a dose of adrenaline.
To balance out cultural wonders with scandalous events, on this night we chose to enjoy Las Vegas Titty Time and went to strip club. The easiest way to get there was to go to the Vegas Strip and check out the advertised offers. It wasn’t long before we got offered a good price, as well as a limo that will take us there. Then we got offered an even better price, then a cocktail, then - a private lap dance and in the end, we got offered a meal. At that moment we couldn’t resist their offer anymore and we went to a strip club. We didn’t even know where they were taking us, but we wanted an adventure and we wound up in Larry Flynt’s Hustler Club. The place was just like my expectations of what an American strip club should look like - big neon signs, angry-looking bouncers, a bit dirty atmosphere and a lot of foreign girls. While there we exchanged our money into one-dollar bills and went straight to the dance hall. I haven’t ever seen someone work that hard to earn one dollar. The view was quite enjoyable, to be honest, I had imagined it being a bit different, but striptease is like a delicate choreographic dance - there was nothing vulgar about it, only erotica. Definitely, only a confident woman can show herself off like that. Their feminine bodies helped as well. Their breasts were rarely real, though, mostly it was just some surgeon’s masterpiece. As a big female lover, I can say, that what allures me more is the naturality.
We got offered lap dances and when we heard the price, we were surprised. Only twenty dollars. I would even say that that is unforgivably cheap for us just to try it once. We started buying dances for each other, till cash in the wallet was nearly gone. We thought of a challenge to invite all of the girls in the club for the lap dance to get the “full experience”. Personally, my favorite was the only girl who had real breasts. Some of the girls wanted us to take the “private room” for 120 dollars. Some even offered the special “private room” for 500 dollars, but as they implied, it was more than just a dance. I politely declined as I didn’t think I had to pay someone for that.
In the following days, we continued to do stuff that is in any Vegas tourist to-do-list. For example, we went to Gordon Ramsey’s famous Hell’s Kitchen restaurant. Dāvis, my companion on this trip, as well as partly its initiator had reserved us a table, but we still had to wait in line. At the start, we just chatted between each other, but it seemed like this hour will be spent in boredom, till girls, who were standing in front of us, turned around. One girl, who later turned out to be a literature teacher for middle schoolers, said that our language seemed interesting to her and asked where are we from. At that moment, the girls' openness didn’t surprise me, all the people in America were unusually nice and ready to start a conversation with strangers. Of course, girls were also intrigued by our unusual language and exotic European charm. Dāvis and I were as well intrigued by the girls’ exotic and alluring American charm. Long story short, two tables for two turned into one table for four. After the restaurant we persuaded the girls to spend the following evening together, going through the smaller Vegas streets and bars.
One more adventure was going to Death Valley. We rented a yellow Ford Mustang convertible, to really enjoy this trip. It’s really unbelievably hot there, but the locals say that during nighttime you might freeze. Death Valley is something everyone should see in their lifetime. The Vegas hotels disappeared pretty fast and all we saw was large, vast desert and majestic mountains. I would call it a surreal view, honestly pretty unbelievable that there is something like that on the Earth. While walking through the vast salt lakes you get the feeling like you’re in a “Star Wars” movie on some distant planet. Just standing in the middle of the field gives an illusion that you are somewhere far from civilization because wherever you look, there is no sign of life.
When back in the city we again focused on something more worldly, such as going to clubs. Interesting, that even on 7th January, which was just a Tuesday, Omnia nightclub was filled with people. I’m talking thousands. Well, the party wasn’t anything special, compared to the New Year’s party. Maybe I just wasn’t in a party mood. But then I saw a beautiful blonde standing next to the bar and, quite naturally, went to her and we started chatting. We didn’t talk for long, because I took her hand and we went to the middle of the dance floor. We danced all night till the club was about to close. The girl had a very short, tight dress and she didn’t have any panties on. From time to time I checked her dress, which was constantly sliding up, so the whole club wouldn’t see her nakedness. The moment when the music stopped, we were holding each other and making out. After getting back into reality, I realized that I have no plan on what to do with this beautiful girl further. We went to a hotel pool. We started talking about life in the USA and in Latvia and how they were similar but also so different. I didn’t want the romantic evening to end, so I thought of a plan. In American movies, couples always go skinny dipping. I persuaded the girl to jump in the water with me, naked. I hadn’t thought of water being so cold during the night and we froze in a moment. Good, that I could save the situation by offering a warm shower in my hotel room. She agreed. We went to shower together and warmed up so much that we didn’t even get to the bed. The next morning the girl quickly took her things and disappeared. When I checked her Instagram account I understood why - she had pictures with her husband (or boyfriend) and children. Now I have experienced the saying that goes - What happens in Vegas, stays in Vegas.

Intro:
Invited by Chef Ramsay to partake in a Hell's Kitchen reunion, the famous Hell's Kitchen bus carries nine of the returning chefs to Hell's Kitchen. Instead of finding the dining hall and kitchen filled with decorations and banners, the room has a ton of mirrors. Marino explains that they are putting in new mirrors for the dorms and asks if anyone would like to help volunteer. Sterling, Tennille and Vinny all volunteer. For whatever reason, they all hear an ominous voice calling for them. After much searching, they find their old rivals from their seasons (Steve, Suzanne and Russell), all reacting differently (Sterling being elated to see Steve, Tennille making clear that the past is the past and Vinny expressing dread over finding Russell).
After several minutes, Gordon comes out from his office and asks Marino what he's doing. Before Marino can answer, Gordon finishes the job for him and reveals the rest of the Red Team (Andrew, Anton, Corey, Jackie and Scotley), explaining that he brought them all back for another shot and that for the first time, the teams would be divided between heroes and villains, much to the shock of Sterling. Despite this, Mia and Scotley are the first expression confidence in themselves and their chances of winning. Ramsay then makes one more announcement, revealing that for the first time there will be two chefs competing for the third time, Elise and Robert. Tommy considers Elise's casting to be perfect while Robert surprises Gordon with his new look and reveals what he's been up to since his last appearance.
Signature Dish Challenge
After the mirrors are put away, Gordon Ramsay asks the contestants what they'd like to do for their signature dish. After a few contestants explain what they're doing, Suzanne begins a long detailed explanation on her signature dish, amusing and annoying some of the chefs (Jackie included). Gordon tells them that they will not be doing those signature dishes and instead be competing against one another, trying to recreate their opponent's signature dish. Even more exciting is that they'll be facing the person they competed with in their season.
As the challenge gets underway, Andrew brags about how he has it in the bag while Suzanne remains somewhat reserved but confidence she can impress Gordon Ramsay and Alison reminds herself of what happens when you screw up in Gordon's kitchen. Upon finishing their dishes, Gordon begins with the contestants who don't have another contestant from their season competing, starting with Corey and Alison. Corey gets her team off to a good start with three points, gaining praise for presentation on the fish but criticism on the sauce. Alison does better, receiving four praise and positive feedback for spicing up a 'boring salad'.
Jackie disappoints with a raw fish and a sauce that makes the dish almost inedible, only scoring one point. Robert is the complete inverse, taking Jackie's scallop dish and adding more flavors that work with each other. Gordon calls it "spot-on" and awards him the full five points. Suzanne and Tennille go up next, Gordon gently teasing the former about her 'play-by-play' incident, much to her embarrassment. She does well, Ramsay calling the lamb 'beautifully cooked' and saying the dish had a 'rustic charm', giving her four points. Tennille's dish has the presentation but the portion size is lacking, only giving her three. In confessionals, Tennille expresses disappointment, saying she knew something wasn't right while plating.
Gordon asks Russell why he was so upset over losing to Nona, learning that is a combination of facing defeat and frustration over doing everything right and still losing. He makes it clear he's here to win and proves it with his signature dish, Gordon considers it 'absolutely flawless' and rewards Russell with five points. Robert warns people that Russell is a talented chef and leader, expecting him to be a frontrunner. Vinny considers his dish something that represents Russell to a tee and while the steak is nicely cooked, it's undermined by mediocre presentation, giving him only three points.
For the next round, Gordon stresses the importance of being among the first two chefs to complete three times to Elise. Thankfully, her dish is seen as 'delicious' and she too receives five points. Tommy also fares well, scoring four points thanks to him nailing the scallops in spite of a somewhat clumsy presentation. Anton and Gordon then catch up, where Anton exclaims that he knew he'd see Gordon again and that while he hasn't gotten any restaurants next to him yet, he believes Gordon knows he has the talent to win. Unfortunately for him, Gordon finds that the most important part of his dish (the chicken) was overcooked, scoring him only two points. He then sheepishly admits that he may be a little rusty. After a repeat of her Season 12 introduction, Rochelle's signature dish does wonderfully and she garners four points.
Steve is the next to represent the red team and manages to refine Sterling's shrimp and grits, scoring four points. Sterling does the same and shows his growth with his 'impressive' looking lamb. Kimberly and Andrew then square off in a rematch of Season 16's final Black Jacket round. Kimberly expresses her confidence in being able to beat Andrew again and receives plaudits for presentation, but not much in terms of presentation, scoring three. Andrew manages to turn Kimberly's canned clam disaster into an exquisite seafood experience, picking up four more points.
Going into the final round, Mia and Scotley showcase their dishes, Gordon liking both. They step back to their teams, both vowing to win the challenge for their team. In the end, Scotley scores four points and Mia scores five, clinching the win for the blue team.
Reward:
The blue team are taken to Hell's Kitchen at the Caesar's Palace in Las Vegas where they meet former winners Ariel Fox and Michelle Tribble, the group dines on a special dinner made courtesy of the former winners and get some important advice from them. Robert connects with Ariel's advice, admitting that he's not the underdog and should embrace his role as a front-runner. Kimberly reflects on Michelle's advice, admitting how hard it can be dealing with others but that she's right, you've got to fight for your right to be in Hell's Kitchen.
Punishment:
Before punishment, Russell pulls Suzanne and Steve by his side and the three debate on what to do with Elise. Despite Steve's lack of knowledge regarding Elise, he participates with the information given to him. Russell proposes the idea of someone being a mediator, leading to Suzanne asking what happens if she turns on them. In confessionals, she expresses doubt that someone can rein in Elise, given the amount of combative personalities on their team. Despite this, she suggests trying to stay on her good side. Although Steve questions if that would be giving into what she wants, Suzanne and Russell agree that these are the best two options for now. During punishment, Elise tries to dictate what everyone does much to the chagrin of the others. Jackie lets out a small chuckle, rolling her eyes. Elise notices and confronts her on it, leaving Suzanne to use damage control. While it succeeds in keeping Elise quiet, Jackie is secretly upset that she didn't get to chew someone out.
Before Challenge:
That evening, Anton sits by himself in the patio thinking to himself. Scotley joins him, asking what he's doing. Anton reveals that he's been thinking about how he became a 'villain', explaining in confessionals that he has no idea what he did wrong. Scotley does his best to explain that people just won't like him, but Anton tells him that he knows what he did wrong, Anton doesn't. All Scotley can say is that people won't like you no matter what and to just kick ass when it counts. In confessionals however, Scotley talks trash, saying that Anton's ego will come back to haunt him.
Individual Challenge:
The next morning, sous-chefs Christina and Jay bring in both teams to the kitchen where Gordon is having a press-conference. In it, he reveals that Hell's Kitchen will be adding a new entrée created by one of the contestants. The winner of the individual challenge will not only have their dish be on the menu, they will also receive the punishment pass, giving them the right to avoid any punishment and join the winning team on their reward. The episode then ends as Gordon is starting the challenge.

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I had been called to the city of sin for a bi-annual conference that I had taken for the past 24 years. I had sat through it in health, in the cold, rain, and sickness. I was there 10 days after Tupac was murdered, and was walking down Fremont street several months later on the day when they took Christopher Wallace. A year later in 1998, a colleague and I woke up to a phone call from my then wife telling me about what happened to President Clinton, and that was when the words, "For a blowjob?" coming from my companion led me into a similar predicament. For the next several years, a tangled divorce that I've never fully unwinded from, occupied my attention. It wasn't until the morning of September 11th in 2001 that gave me the wakeup call I needed. I scooted the young blonde out of my room and told her to call her dad, since I knew Tom was in New York that day.
Mosque bombings, terrorism, market bubble bursting, swine flu, recession, succession, shootings, a shooter, second divorce, new house, new life, and the same old job on the same old beat all meant that Las Vegas and I had been doing this dance through the thick and the thin for over two decades.
And I have never seen it like this.
My uber driver nodded, "Yeah man. Shit is wild. I only picked up 8 people in the last 9 hours."
He was young, the new leather interior in a wide bodied Escalade smelled like an expensive loan. His eyes were twitchy as he tried not stare at me, wondering if I was going to cough from all the dry mouthing I had been doing from the LAS to my hotel.
I had grown used to the stares, the selective social distancing for looking Chinese and all of its stereotypes as the weeks leading into March of 2020. The beginning trend of people instinctively coughing whenever they saw me soon became a daily ritual. It was all a part of tribe mentality I convinced myself, chuckling as I remembered the pie scene from the movie Stand By me.
That made my uber driver nervous.
"Here we are," he finally breathed.
I thanked him and proceeded to the service counter with my carry on.
"Sorry for the wait," replied the representative, "We laid off 80% of our staff this morning."
I was taken aback by her candid greeting.
"Looks like you'll be in a private room owned by one of our guests. And as it is not through the hotel, please contact your host for any services that you require. We will need a $500 deposit on a credit card for any incidentals."
Several minutes later I found myself riding the elevator up 26 stories and into my rental. I contacted my host through the app to let him know that I had arrived. It was my first time using the app service so if anyone wants to chime in on how necessary or unnecessary that action is, please, enlighten me.
I had chose this room because there was a large, deep soak bathtub. I don't have many preferences in life but if there is a chicken fried steak on the menu I must get it at least once, coke over pepsi, and onion rings. Don't ask me why they are all food based, but they are, except for the bathtub. At nearly 6'1 I am always trying to find a decent soak. When I was younger my grandmother owned a Japanese soaking barrel, and ever since then I have been chasing after that nostalgic experience. Instead I often find myself cramming, contorting, and cold above the chest.
There was not much for me to do as President Trump had canceled his conference with the Jewish Coalition, which meant that other subsequent CEO's began withdrawing from all the other Vegas conferences. Something that I should have foreseen, which could have otherwise prevented me from traveling during this time. But there was no helping it, and this was definitely not the worst place to be stuck in.
I looked into the bathroom mirror and decided to wash the trails of the airport from my face and then made my way down to the casino floors. Everything was closed. All the restaurants anyways. So I hailed a cab and found my way to Gordon Ramsay's Hells Kitchen. The best lobster risotto I ever had, a mediocre bar experience, a change of hands for an 8 ball on the street, and I was on my way into Caesar's Palace. I had reasoned with myself that my foresight was not the best at this time so blackjack and poker were out of the question. I stuck to roulette and craps, winning big at the dice. And if you've ever been to a high roller table then all the movies are true, there you will find willing women to blow on the ivories for you.
Somehow we found our way back to my room, a slew of fancy cocktail dresses and Victoria secret's underwear were strewn in a near comical fashion. A rolled Benjamin walked down Abbey road. And there's nothing quite like two young and beautiful women taking pictures of your junk to brag to their friends later to accentuate your high. Everyone loves an anomaly.
The two of them were in town for CONEXPO, one of the world's largest construction gatherings. One was 28 and a leading architect for a large firm and the other was a 32 year old forewoman who was sent to accompany her to fill in the job's specifics.
"You've got soft hands for a construction worker," I quipped.
She raised her drawn in eyebrow at me, "Not as soft as a desk jockey's."
We both laughed until our eyes were drawn to the young architect who had begun to slowly undress in front of us. She swayed her hips to the lofi soul of Joji. My champagne glass sparkled in the light as the smells of girl scout cookies lit up the bathroom.
"You don't mind if I smoke do you?"
"Oh, give it here," came the architect's voice.
"I should probably get an ashtray."
I got out of the tub and walked into the living area. I pulled open a few drawers, and found nothing. I tugged on the handles of the cabinet underneath the wetbar only to find it locked. That was when I noticed the notice stickied on its door, "Please do not open. These are my private possessions," made with a cheap labeler. "There's probably alcohol in this thing," I said aloud. I turned to look into the bathroom but neither of them seemed to care as I watched the water falling from their hair and down their backs. The rest of the night was well, you can imagine.
I woke up around 4:30 A.M. and heard an ungodly rattling. As I stirred in bed, I heard a voice asking sleepily, "What was that?"
"I don't know," came another voice. "It's probably the pipes or something."
The architect was unsure so she got up and turned on a light. She turned to look at me, "Did you get this on AirBNB?"
"Yeah, something like that."
We heard the rattle again. I could tell that she was afraid so I decided to get up with her.
"Do you know where the light is," she asked?
"Nope," I said as I struck a match for dramatic effect.
"Oh god," she rolled her eyes.
I smiled, "It's more fun this way."
She grabbed my arm as we made our way into the larger part of the suite in search of the noise. We looked in the closet, the bathroom, the enclosed toilet, and I even pulled a few drawers open for effect.
"What is this," she asked me. She had found the cabinet under the wetbar.
"I don't know. It was locked when I got here." I struck another match, "It says not to touch it or something, owner's possessions I think."
"Oh god, that is so creepy," she moaned. "I once went to this place in Lake Tahoe and it wasn't until the last day that my boyfriend found a loft that was hidden because the stairs had been removed. When he climbed it, there was a router and a twin sized bed in the corner. Super chills man."
"Well, the cabinet is too small for anything weird to be in there," I told her.
"You don't know that, have you ever seen those double jointed circus people?"
"Well, if there's some more champagne in there, then I wouldn't mind breaking the lock."
"It would be warm," she said.
"Ah yes, the important things."
We laughed, but just as we were going to get back into bed she ran into the bathroom and got a towel and tied an extensive knot around the handles.
Several hours later we were woken up with a loud banging. I bolted up in bed.
"Sir!"
My mind raced to gather itself and assess at least 9 things wrong with my current situation. Cops, someone's boyfriend, my wife? Oh shit, why was I still getting myself into these predicaments? You would think I've learned a thing or two by now.
"Sir! This is hotel security. Are you in there sir? We're asking everyone to evacuate the building."
I got out of bed and rushed to open the door before they keyed their way in, "Hey what is going on?"
A man in an N95 mask and gloves was at the door, "Sir, we've been asked to evacuate everyone out of the building immediately. The hotel will be closing due to SARS-COV-2."
"What's going on," one of the girls asked.
"Miss, everyone needs to leave. We are evacuating the building. Please gather your belongings."
I looked at my companions and subsequently told them, "I can't believe they canceled Vegas."
For the next 20 minutes we scrambled to get ready. For a group of strangers it worked decently well. We cut the last lines and split it between the three of us. A smile, a kiss, and a hurried goodbye later meant that we found ourselves rushing for the elevator.
"Oh god, I forgot about the towel I tied to the cabinet," the architect said.
"It shouldn't be that much of a problem. Someone will just take it off later," I tried assuring her.
"What if no one gets back in there for weeks?" She looked at me slightly anxious, as if she was afraid to breathe the words, and a side of me knew what she was going on about.
"Alright, I'll go back," I told her.
The forewoman looked confused.
"I'll got with you," the architect said.
"No, you two get downstairs and see what is going on."
She looked at me with these doe eyes, the same look that has kept me awake for the past several days as I am laying here in boredom.
"I'll be fine I told her."
I ran back to the room, slid my keycard and began to untie the knot on the cabinet. And in my paranoia I took a video recording of the place before leaving, just so that I had evidence that the room was left in relatively good order later. The door slammed behind me, I pulled up my app to request an Uber as I made my way to the elevator. My phone vibrated, it must be the app I reasoned as I began shifting through my luggage to make sure I had gotten everything. When I reached the ground floor I searched for my two companions but found hotel personnel were rushing people into open taxis and Ubers to the airport. An entitled prick stood outside the valet desk as a manager profusely apologized for the inconvenience and how the hotel would compensate for one thing or another as he opened the door to a Porsche Panamera.
There was nothing for me to do except get into an Uber. I pulled up my phone expecting to see a familiar message that notified me that my driver would be arriving in 3 minutes, but instead it was a message from my host that simply said, "Thank you."

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Introduction:

A few months before a trip I’m usually become pretty active on this sub, spending a decent amount of time helping people plan out trips. I figured for once I’d share one of my planned itineraries, what actually happened on the trip, how much I expected it to cost, how much it actually cost, changes since my last trip, and any highlights.

Demo:

Married couple, late 20s, 17th trip to Vegas.

Planned Itinerary:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vTwil88ghO5M8CLdwNaXSg8eOo5fqZwhXSZpv20K2TlYJEPzBdUqBvC8Dq7jmSfZ5uB6UE-SMu0zZ6n/pubhtml

Actual Itinerary:

https://docs.google.com/spreadsheets/d/e/2PACX-1vSuckh6hJ-L7xM3wLBLgViIaMy1nUSQev53vIDN9N0F5rpynwDb_ziJfyraBYik2eu9EwpAVSaJ18Gd/pubhtml

Things to get out of the way:

Immediately people are going to jump at the fact that I have things planned down to the 5 minute mark. These are rough estimates, usually made in an attempt to make sure that we get to everything we are wanting to do in a day, or so that some deadline is reached on time, such as a restaurant closing or a club entrance cutoff. Typically we are somewhere between on time and an hour late depending on whether or not a deadline is involved. I didn’t change every single time to the actual time on the “Actual Itinerary” since that would have been way too much work, but if something got skipped, added, or things went drastically off the rails it was noted.
With regard to the cost predictions going down to the penny, before we go to a restaurant we typically look at the menu online and then we know what we’re ordering beforehand. It isn’t particularly hard to add tax and tip and then know the exact amount. We typically change things up a few times and that’s why I included the actual costs on the Actual Itinerary. Some of the predicted values are closer to guesses, but I typically added tax and tip to those to help keep it accurate as I could.
The next thing that people are going to question is the fact that we switch hotels 4 times in 7 days. I would never argue that it’s particularly convenient to do that but with the comped room I had at Bellagio, the comped/reduced rate I had at Wynn, and then the comped room my wife had at Wynn, along with our varied itinerary, it was worthwhile to hop around a bit. Bellhops are your friends, always tip them and they’ll treat you right, that is if they decide to help at all (looking at you MGM and Planet Hollywood). The reason for the Gold Coast was we were planning on checking out KAOS, but due to lineup changes we ended up changing our plans. We got a great price for the night, so we just kept it.
The final thing that I know people are going to jump at is the fact that we eat at McDonald’s 4 times during the trip. After 3am, when the clubs are starting to wind down, there are very few food options open in Vegas. Most are overpriced for what you get, or in inconvenient locations. Usually we are drunk, and dead tired, so spending lots of time or money to get food is just a waste. 3 out of the 4 times were at 3:45am because their dinner menu cutoff is 4am, and why go to McDonald’s when you can’t get chicken nuggets. The last one is because it’s literally right across the street at Palms. For the past few years we’d get delivery Thai Pepper, which was absolutely fantastic drunk food that was surprisingly cheap and available even later in the night, but they’ve closed, and I haven’t seen any particularly appealing alternatives.

Changes to Vegas since early September 2018

- Thai Pepper closed - Encore Beach Club’s poles were removed from the center island + Block 16 Urban Food Hall opened + Urth Caffé opened = KAOS opened

Stats:

Predicted units of alcohol to be consumed: 136.5 Actual units of alcohol consumed: Somehow more

Hotels:

Bellagio: Always thought of Bellagio as probably impressive until Wynn, CityCenter, and Cosmopolitan were built. Still think this. Room was fine, but not worth anywhere near the price point if it wasn’t comped. Maybe if you spring for a view of the fountains it’d be different, but at the price I’d still think Cosmo is a better option.
Wynn: Having stayed at Encore multiple times, and loving it every time, Wynn was actually really disappointing. I thought I’d just be complaining about the white and cream color scheme and the open layout with the weird TV placement, but the real problems were the room fragrance and lack of power outlets.
My wife didn’t find the odor particularly unpleasant but to me it had an uncanny similarity to cowshit. Almost decided to switch rooms, but was too tired and busy, and it turned out our later stay at another Wynn room on a different floor, facing a different side, had the same smell, so it seems to be property-wide. Looking online they seem to have a room fragrance that just isn’t compatible with me somehow.
The lack of power outlets made charging our phones, my watch, and her laptop practically impossible and was just something I hadn’t even considered could be a problem in a high-end hotel. The lack of power outlets anywhere even remotely close to the TV meant I couldn’t connect her laptop to the TV and power at the same time, even with a 10 ft. HDMI cable.
Having become used to Google Home at home, traveling is always a bit disappointing when you can’t just ask for the lights to turn off or an alarm to be set. This should be standard in all hotels, with very clear ways to disable it for the privacy conscious. Sadly Wynn’s implementation of Alexa is absolutely terrible. One room it worked about half the time, with me often resorting to their perfectly usable touch panel. The other room it never worked.
Gold Coast: Wish I had time to take advantage of the cheap bowling. Perfectly serviceable basecamp if you wanting to spend time at Palms or are using Uber to get around, although we could never get it quite to the right temperature. An absolute steal at $71.25 before taxes and resort fee on a Saturday of a summer holiday weekend.
Planet Hollywood: I’ve always been pretty harsh to Planet Hollywood, arguing why would you stay there when you can spend a reasonable amount more to stay at Cosmo or spend drastically less money and stay at either Harrah’s, Linq, or the Flamingo? For me the answer was when Cosmo is having some sort of event that causes the price to be 2-3x normal, and you were planning on hitting up Cosmo’s food options and Marquee Monday.
Our Ultra Resort Room was actually quite nice with a large layout, plenty of power outlets, and a bathroom with 2 completely separate mirror and sink areas. The only real problem was the cleanliness was the worst I’ve seen in Vegas since the Linq was the Imperial Palace. Every glass or mirrored surface had smudges, the carpet had a large stain in the middle, and the stack of ads and magazines was sticky. You’ll see one of those problems at almost any hotel room in Vegas that isn’t a luxury property, but it’s been years since I’ve stayed in a room that felt this unclean.
Ultimately it’s convenient access to Cosmo makes it occasionally a good option, but from what I’ve seen only if you have time to potentially request they deep clean your room. Had Cosmo had a more average price I’d still think the upgrade to there is worth it.

Highlights

Exodus Pass Usually we do guest list or presale tickets to pool parties and nightclubs depending on various factors. This year we were planning on July 4th weekend to take advantage of the day off work, and that happened to coincide with one of the Exodus Festival weekends. We bought tickets early, and it came to only $147.55 after taxes and fees and a promo code. With the later guaranteed entry and the quickness of entry, this was an absolute steal. 10/10, would do again. My biggest complaint is their wristband booth in MGM Grand is not the most convenient and quick location to pick up your wristbands. They should probably setup one at the hotel hosting their first event, and not just their first nighttime event.
Twilight Zone Mini Golf was fun and inexpensive, a growing rarity in Vegas.
Urth Caffe is now my northend recommendation for breakfast in Vegas. Great food, and generous size of their drinks.
While Caesars’ 4th of July fireworks show was great, the impressive thing was the sheer amount of illegal fireworks going off all over town. I know some of you have strong negative opinions about them, but having never seen anything like it, it was impressive.
Marquee had silent disco in the Library which is always a fun experience.
Block 16 has some fantastic food at great prices. Special shoutout to Hattie B’s seasoned fries, the perfect drunk food.
First time at an airport lounge. Free drinks after security, but before you fly is an absolute gamechanger.

Room for Improvement

LAS Uber Pickup The 2M Uber pickup floor at LAS is completely fucked. There’s just no other way to put it. It’s always been bad, but now there are concrete barriers that make it where far too many people are trying to move through the unblocked areas. Plenty of airports do this better, hopefully someone with some power thinks about the fact that this hard to find, hot, dark, congested place isn’t the best way to start off people’s trips. If I had time to go to Total Wine and Reef I definitely would have taken Presidential Limo, which picks up in a tolerable place.
Apex While Ghostbar always had a view going for it, Ghostbar Dayclub was well liked due to it’s personality. Apex still has the view, but the vibe was just completely non-existent. Hopefully now that Apex is under control by Stations/KAOS they can make it not just a generic bar with a great view, but from what I can tell it’s still being neglected.
Reef Weed Tender Don’t get all offended that I’m not wanting to chitchat. I called in the order, and am trying to make this transaction quickly, since I have an Uber waiting outside and don’t want to waste his time.
Drai’s Guest List We ended up skipping Drai’s on the 4th of July. $75/$50 for guest list for Big Sean seemed worth it to a lot of people who weren’t us. Got in line, found the price, got out of line. I had heard from a friend that Drai’s promoters have lately been advertising free entry and yet were charging even groups of all girls, so I wasn’t expecting free, but $125 for a couple was too steep for a week filled with as many pool parties as we had. Felt sorry for anyone expecting to get in for free and finding that mess, especially if they were on a shorter trip. Promoters should stop promising free if it’s only going to be reduced, accurate communication is key.
Masala 24/7 Indian food is a great idea in Vegas, and a location near Tacos El Gordo is even better. That said, I don’t find anything too oily, imagine the most deep fried thing you can and it’s soaking through 10 napkins and a paper bag and I’d be like “This tastes great,” and yet Masala was somehow too oily, Their naan also wasn’t crispy and had a doughy texture. My wife also found their food too salty. Overall not worth trying out, even if it should be good in theory.

Future

Originally when I was writing this I talked about not coming again for awhile, but somehow ended up with a trip August 22nd-27th.

It’ll come as no shock to you that Las Vegas is not the most pleasant city in the world. From the insane cabs that won't hesitate to steamroll you right into the ground, to the borderline-toxic stench wafting from the sewer grates, it's easy to see why the place wouldn't top too many travel lists. But as I sit in this cheap hotel room about two hours from the Strip, typing with the one arm I have left, I know for a fact that I will never return to Las Vegas.
“Hey, hey!” Reggie said as I walked up to the gate. “There he is! what took you so long?” Mike said, giving me a high five. We had been planning this for months. My friend Danny was getting married, and we had decided to have the bachelor party in Vegas. Behind Danny’s back, we had all chipped in to book a suite at the Bellagio hotel. We were obviously pumped for a weekend of slots, booze, and girls. “Where's Danny?” I asked, dropping my carry-on. “Went to the bathroom”, Reggie said, pulling a handful of chips out of a bag under his chair , “ he’ll be back in a minute”. Mike leaned into me and Reggie, and lowered his voice. “Alright boys, final check. Reggie, you booked the room, right?” He blinked a couple of times and scratched his stubbly chin. “Uhh… yeah”. “Awesome. Mitch, you got our rental car?” I held up my receipt. “ Of course”. “Alright!” Mike said a bit too loudly. “Alright what?” A familiar voice rang out from behind us. I turned around to see Danny walking towards us, shaking water off his hands. His khaki pants and button up shirt putting to shame my sweat pants and faded hoodie. “Jesus. Nicole must really be changing you, man”, I said, laughing and pulling him into a hug. “Trust me man, if I had never met her, I’d be naked half the time.” A few minutes later, they called our flight. With a few whoops from Reggie, we boarded the plane.
Two hours later we had touched down in Sin City. Reggie went to check in for the rental car while the rest of us watched the turntables for our luggage. As I absentmindedly watched the perpetual row of bags emerging from the plastic-flap-covered opening, I suddenly felt eyes on me. I raised my eyes from the bags and saw who those eyes belonged to. On the other side of the concourse, leaning against a wall, one guy stood out from the crowd. A black guy in his early twenties, wearing what appeared to be an old timely bellhop uniform. The gold buttons on his crimson jacket gleamed under the fluorescent lights. As I stared at him, with no small amount of confusion, the man whistled at me in two short bursts, equal in pitch, as if he were calling a dog. Dan put his hand on my shoulder, making me jump slightly.
We picked up the rental car and made our way to the Strip. As we gawked at the lavish hotels with flashy signs that could’ve been seen from the stratosphere, Danny turned to me. “ Shouldn't we get to the hotel first?” I smiled at him. “Sounds good to me,” I said turning into the Bellagio’s self parking area. “Wait…” Danny’s eyes lit up “ you didn't..” “ 15th floor.” Danny looked like a kid on Christmas morning. I will never forget that face.
“You didn't tell me you got a suite!” Danny said as he looked around the gigantic room we had rented. “Anything for the man of the hour”, I said, shoving the pocket sized Fireball I had bought on the plane into the mini fridge. “What’re we sitting around here for?” Reggie yelled, emerging from the bathroom. Mike looked up from his phone “ there’s a sick nightclub at Caesars Palace. Let's check it out.”
After shot number four, I was feeling like a king.I made my way from the bar back to my table, through the crowds of people silhouetted against the multicolored lights of the club, and found Danny,Mike,Reggie, and a girl who Reggie introduced as Lolita. After shooting Reggie my
world-famous she’s-not-staying-the-night glare, I took my seat and laughed at the tail end of the joke Mike was telling.
After a few minutes, I noticed a rather out of place man a few feet from our table. He looked like a real greaseball, with a shiny balding head that housed a combover synonymous with the word creepy. Had I not been so hammered, I would have been more suspicious when he walked up to our table. “Hello Gentlemen” He said with a grin that showed off slightly crooked, yellowish teeth. “You seem like the kind of guys that belong in some place other than a cramped one room night club. Perhaps someplace more… exclusive would better suit you.” Eying Danny’s expensive blazer and tie clip, the man leaned in close, putting his hands on the table. “ I'll cut right to the chase: if you follow me, I'll take you to the most exclusive casino in Vegas.” He raised his eyebrows. I turned to see what the guys thought, only to see Danny standing up from his seat, with Reggie close behind. I turned to look at Mike. He shrugged. “What the hell! It's Vegas after all,” Mike stood up and I followed suit, jogging a few paces to catch up with the group. After passing a row of Rocky Horror Picture Show themed slot machines, the greasy man banged open a door marked “Staff Only” to reveal a dark staircase with lights strung on either side of the stairs like a movie theater. Reggie let Lolita go first with a slurred,“ladies first”, Reggie then took a step down,stumbled, and proceeded to slide down the stairs, taking out Lolita like a lone bowling pin. Danny,Mike and I had to grip the handrails as we descended, due to us laughing so hard.
A strange mix of thick perfume and cigarette smoke greeted our nostrils at the bottom of the stairs. Mike could barely hold back a gag as we walked further down the hall. As we rounded a corner, I saw a large golden sign above the main entrance to the casino. “The Thomas Bernard club of Las Vegas” It read, with the image of two dice outlined with fire underneath. “Before everyone gets started, will you follow me please!” The greasy man said, leading us past rows of blackjack tables to a blue metal door that seemed out of place with the rest of the casino. “Here,” said the greasy man, abruptly open the door, “ is where you join the club”.
“Choose anywhere you want, sir.” The tattoo artist said, as Reggie sat down in the chair. If I had been in better shape, I would have thought that a tattoo was a pretty weird membership requirement. “ I'll give you $100 if you get it on your ass” Dan said, giggling. Reggie wasted no time dropping his jeans and pointing out the perfect place on his right cheek. Within the hour, Reggie was holding a mirror to admire the Devil’s Tongue flower that had been printed on his butt. Dan came next, who got his on his left shoulder blade. Mike got his on his bicep. He told us he could make it dance, but winced in pain as soon as he flexed. Reggie practically fell over laughing. I got mine on my left shoulder. As I stood from the chair, the greasy man entered. “All set?” He asked in a jovial tone. We nodded. “Excellent!” The man said, clapping his hands together, “Have fun!”. All four of us exited the room, and Reggie immediately jumped on one of the slot machines, dragging Lolita behind him. Strange, I had forgotten Lolita was even with our group. Did she even get a tattoo? Dan grabbed my shoulder. “ we're headed to the craps table. Come on!”.
An hour later, I was running the craps table like a champion. Cheers went up every time I rolled the dice, and a particularly good looking girl in a short club dress had been making eyes with me across the table the whole time. I jumped out between games and asked if she wanted to grab a drink. After we ordered,the girl grabbed my arm. “Have you heard the rumors about this place?” she whispered to me, with eyes that sparkled with curiosity. “Like what?” I replied, taking a sip of my beer. “Like about the people who run this place? I heard one of them went insane.” She spoke with the voice of an idle teenager, and I found myself slightly on edge as I responded. “Really? Interesting.”my hand curled tighter around the bottle I was holding. The bartender startled me when he walked over to us. “Miss, that's only a rumor. Trust me, I've worked here for almost 30 years. Mr. Bernard and his brother were killed when the boiler underneath their personal ski lodge exploded one winter. Bodies were never recovered. Horrible ordeal.” The bartender said, looking past us into thin air for a second, before turning to help a big buff dude who had just approached the bar. Something had seemed… weird about that bartender. He had rattled that story off almost as if he had memorized it beforehand. Like he’d had to say it more than once .I glanced in the direction the bartender had looked, where two casino security guards were staring directly back at me. “Hey are you ok?” The girl’s words snapped me back to reality, and I was vaguely aware that my hands were shaking. “Yeah” I said, clearing my throat. “Will you excuse me for a second?” She barely got a chance to respond before I was sprinting away from the bar. Something definitely wasn’t right. I needed to find the guys.
Dan wasn’t at the craps table. As I ran down the rows of bright, flashing slot machines, air reeking of cigarette smoke filling my lungs, I began to well and truly panic. I felt like I was drowning on dry land. I needed to find the guys. I must not have been running as straight as I thought; I ran into a group of people, and almost knocked a few down. Turning a corner, I saw Reggie and Lolita, facing a slot machine at the end of the aisle, seated with their backs to me. Relieved, I sprinted over to them. As I got closer, my relief slowly melted into horror.
The first thing I noticed was that Lolita was crying, tears streaming down her face, smearing her cheap makeup and turning her tears black with mascara. Then I noticed that she was whispering something I couldn’t hear into Reggie’s right ear. The third thing I noticed was that Reggie was dead. Not just dead. He looked like a burn victim. Though somehow his shoulder length hair and thick glasses remained in tact, his skin was a sickening, ashy black. His eyes were gone, and his mouth was open in a silent scream of agony. The final thing I noticed, and something that has rattled around in my brain for years, was that Reggie’s right hand was clutching his right buttock. Right where he had gotten his tattoo. His other hand was melted to his phone, where what was left of the screen displayed the frozen image of a phone call marked “Mom”.
I don’t know what I intended to say when I opened my mouth, but before I got the chance, I wretched, and vomited my dinner all over the tacky casino carpet. The room began spinning again, my skull throbbed like my brain had been replaced with a hornets nest. What the hell just happened? Why was no one else helping, or even noticing? That’s when I felt a hand on my shoulder. “ You don’t look well, friend.” The voice was the exact opposite of comforting. I looked up and found myself face to face with the greasy guy that brought us here. He was so close I could smell his rancid breath under a thick shroud of cologne. “Here, come with me.” I wanted to protest, to get this disgusting man away from me, but I was so in shock that I could only stand there as he put a hand on my back and guided me away from Reggie’s corpse. It took me a while to realize that he hadn’t noticed him. Or if he did, he sure as hell didn’t say anything.
The next thing I remember is sitting in a large, comfortable chair. I looked around and found I was in a lavish office, similar in design to the suite we had bought for the bachelor party. One thing that caught my eye, however, was the Devil’s Tongue flower in a vase on the bar. That was when all of the memories of what had happened flooded back into my head. I went to stand up from the chair, but found I was unable to pull myself from it. Why was I so weak? “Don’t bother” a voice came from behind the chair. I heard the sound of wheels on the carpet, and I started panicking all over again. My mind was awash with fear as saw through the large mirror on the wall,what, or rather, who was being brought in.
The greasy man from earlier was wheeling in a wheelchair with an IV bag attached to it, as well as a respirator. But I quickly realized it wasn’t for me. In the chair was what appeared to be the charred corpse of a man, barely more than a blackened skeleton in a pinstriped suit. His eyes were covered by the gauze wrapped around the top half of his head. Even so, the two black stains on the gauze right where his eyes should be made me feel like he could see more of me than I would ever like. Before I had a chance to say anything, ask why I was being shown this horrible sight,the greasy man shot me a wink and left. The door slammed, And as I sat helplessly, the corpse spoke. “Allow me to introduce myself” despite how emaciated he appeared, the “man” spoke with perfect clarity. “ I am Mr. Thomas Bernard. I suppose you’ve already heard about me, though.” Mr. Bernard sharply inhaled through the nasal respirator. “What the hell?” I was able to sputter our in my dazed state. “Yes I know. You’re thinking I should be deep in the Colorado mountains,frozen under layers of ice in the ruins of a long forgotten ski lodge. And above all, I should be dead, right?” My mind warped like heated metal. My mouth could only take in shallow, staccato breathes. What had they done to me? “If you haven’t already guessed, that story is about as true as the cheater at a poker table.” Said what was left of Mr. Bernard, with a chuckle that sounded fit for a crow with a broken neck, “Now I guess, considering you don’t have that much time left, I can tell you about how I came to own this...place”Mr Bernard said, seeming to choose the last word carefully.
“In my prime, I was the greatest businessman on the face of the earth, if I do say so myself. With monopolies in real estate, car manufacturing, and specifically… casinos. I owned some of the most popular casinos in the United States, and ended up bringing more tourists to Nevada then anytime in recorded history. I was a king.”
“ I believe it was a Wednesday. I remember going to sleep in my house, and waking up in a room that I could only describe as...as beautiful beyond the concept of beauty. It was as large as a stadium, surrounded by pillars connected by large, medieval arches. The floor was an intricate, polygonal mural that seemed to shift wherever I stepped. The pillars were covered with carvings. Looking closer, I found that these carvings were all different languages, From English, to French to Korean. Towards the bottom of the pillars, languages that were so old I hardly recognized them. Looking up, I noticed that the arches sat in the middle of the pillars rather than the top, and the pillars rose high above them into murky darkness.” Under the desk, I gained movement in my left big toe.
“A voice emanated from the infinite darkness surrounding me.” Mr. Bernard’s emaciated hands gripped the arms of the wheelchair. “I felt both fear and comfort in that moment. It was a voice unlike any other; Speaking English, yet somehow devoid of any accent or defining speech pattern.”
“ I was dead. I had died in my sleep, and was now in what it referred to as Fegefeuer. And whatever dwelled in this place…” Bernard leaned forward, and I swear I could hear his bones creaking and popping beneath his suit. By now I had completely regained feeling below my left ankle, and was swiftly feeling more and more of my entire leg. “ ...offered me a choice. To my right, a simple, red door appeared. ‘Through that door,’ the voice whispered, ‘is your afterlife. And this…’ from behind me came the bright, twinkling glow. Turning, I saw the geometric tapestry of the floor morph into a city street, and the pillars into Vegas strip signs. ‘is the powerful, regal life you ran prior to this very moment.’ Everything below my waist tingled as though it had fallen asleep, and was regaining feeling.
“I suppose you’ve been wondering why I look the way I do, Mr. Ross.” Bernard said, leaning back in his chair. “ I am a man of chance. My gambling has lead me to the most extravagant experiences and luxuries on this earth. I have also lost fortunes the working man could only dream of. With the future of my existence hinging on one choice… I played it safe.” Even with barely any flesh still attached to his blackened skull, and his eyes covered by bandages, I could clearly see anger spreading across his face, making small pieces of flesh fall like bits of paper into the ashtray on his desk. “It didn’t like that. One. Bit.”
And that’s when Mr Bernard stood up. I don’t know why, of all things, that haunts me the most. The fact that such a spindly, crude mockery of the human form had the ability ( or at least the compulsion) to stand as a man would. “Come one more!” Bernard suddenly roared, pulling me up by the front of my shirt so that we would be eye to eye if his head were not wrapped in gauze, “Maybe now I can sleep!”. I realized very quickly his ramblings were not directed at me, as the vacant stains on the gauze were aimed off in the distance. Beyond the walls of the office.
As quickly as he had lifted me, Bernard dropped me. “Not Enough?” He said, his voice suddenly strained, hands clutching his head. I realized in that moment that all of my feeling had returned. I knocked the chair over sprinting out of the office. Strange enough, it was not locked. As I sprinted down the hallway back to the casino, I began hearing something loud. As I rounded the corner back into the casino, it dawned on me exactly what that sound was. Dozens of voices, all screaming. All around me, people were screaming for help, or groaning in pain. It was then that I started…smelling it. Burning flesh tearing through the tomblike shroud of the casino’s stench. I saw people who seemed healthy an hour earlier crumpling to the floor, clutching at various body parts. I thought nothing. I ran, ignoring the dampness at the crotch of my pants. Ignoring the sweat running into my eyes, causing me to slightly stumble. Ignoring the group of three people I pushed through. That is, until I heard Danny’s terrified voice. “Mitch! HELP ME!” his voice cracked in desperation, trying to free himself from the grip of the two security guards holding each of his arms. I turned back, dazed and petrified, as I watched my friend get dragged further into the crowds of writhing bodies.
If she had not been there in that moment, I would have never made it to the door ten feet from where I stood. I would have crumpled onto that singed casino carpet and shut down like a robot in a cartoon. But the girl from the bar was there, and I didn’t realize it until she grabbed a hold of my suit jacket. She screamed one word into my face: “Run!”. I lunged to the door, and it came off its hinges as soon as I pulled on the handle. As I fell out into the dark corridor, I turned and watched as the entire casino seemed to...disassemble. Slot machines became bare wires and sparking lights. Roulette wheels telescoped upwards in layers. The ceiling seemed to melt into concrete and steel beams. My eyes were fixed, however, on the girl in the black dress, crawling on her elbows towards the doorway. I hadn’t noticed how radiant her light green eyes were, until the moment before her head was crushed by a large antique fire extinguisher. Her defined cheekbones and long brunette hair were suddenly lost in a mess of blood and jagged teeth. My eyes rose to the person responsible, and I initially could not understand what I was seeing. I knew it was the man who had lead us to the club, but his face was nothing more than a pile of flesh that wouldn’t look out of place on the Elephant Man. Bulbous skull, eyes swollen shut, and a wide mouth with no teeth. A mouth that was laughing.
I heard footsteps behind me, and turned to see the man in the bellhop uniform, the one who I had seen in the airport. He walked forward until he stood parallel with me, and turned. He gave me an acknowledging nod, then walked into the casino. As he did, the doorway gave off a blinding white light. There was a sound like lightning hitting a gas truck. Then, nothing. I stood up, and stared at the solid concrete wall where the hellish casino had stood. I knew then that I had witnessed something no one else would believe.
People gave me strange looks as I walked down the strip, but I hardly noticed. I made it to the rental car, and the next thing I remember is standing at the front desk of a motel.
I sat on the bed,not knowing what to think or feel. My questions outnumbered my answers one thousand to one, and even attempting to comprehend the tiniest things: The guards, her eyes, the roulette wheel breaking,that bellhop… and Danny’s voice, saturated with terror, fading into the dynn of screams. My phone buzzed on the bedside table, and I didn’t have to look to see it was Nicole calling me again. I stood and looked out the window, at the sun rising over the barren desert. Staring into that crimson ball of gas, all of my anger and confusion funneled into one solid pit in my stomach. I felt so… small. It took me a second to notice the burning pain shooting down my arm. I heard myself yelling, and felt the pain pulsing in my left shoulder. I frantically removed my shirt to see that the veins around the Devil’s Tongue tattoo had turned black. One more answer I didn’t need.
I spent hours cutting off my arm in the bathtub with the swiss army knife I kept in my back pocket. I used my belt as an improvised tourniquet, and bit down on one of the bath towels. I was scared when the first blood started to drip. After a while, it became nothing more than a morbid chore, intercut by crying and grunting from the pain. When I had finished,I covered my stump with the towel. The ambulance should be on its way right about now. We’ll see if it runs into any stubborn taxi drivers along the way.